Read this only if you have an appetite for crap conversations and even if you dont have such an appetite then you can always create one. So read anywayz.
*****************************
" Tell me, what was the first compliment that you ever paid to a woman..........come on tell me..........hey are you listening........................and what exactly are you doing...................will you please stop staring like that!!!! "
" wwwwwhat.................staring??..............what...............where............"
" So what do you think your eyeballs were doing?? ..........you never look into my eyes while talking................they just keep slipping down........."
" Slipping???............what are you saying.................my balls, i mean..........eyeballs are very much intact.................how can they just slip..............."
" Dont try this, " re-arranging words thing ", with me...........its so ridiculous.........."
" Now what is so ridiculous about this? "
" Everything!!! "
" Everything??? "
" Yes, ' everything '...........you........your slipping eyes..............and your stupid mammary fixation................"
Bursts into laughter............. " wwhat fixation?? "
" You heard it right and i am not going to repeat it again...............and what's so funny about it?? "
" Funny?? ................try saying that to another guy and he'll probably die laughing.........."
" Yeah.........how could i forget that all you men are the same.........."
" Now come on..............dont you think that you are over-reacting...........it happens, its quite normal........"
" oh!! so its normal...........i dont get what is it that you men are actually interested in...............is it love, money, or coition..........."
" Coition?? " Bursts into laughter again............ " that word is as historic as the dinosaurus, madam.............and please do not use it anywhere else..............it sounds as if you are giving a lecture on the mating habits of hyenas on the animal planet.............."
" So you have to make fun of everything that i have to say.........."
" yeah.........i mean.........no..........now look at that girl over there...........she's wearing the minimium to get the maximum of attention........what do you say to that?? "
" Oh!! God!! you men are such a huge menace............."
****************************************
" So friends, that was girl-friend number 3 to desert me. Why cant they say, " you rotten bastard!! I hate your guts, i'm clearing out, and i hope you rot!! " But no, these girls have to make a polite, emotional mess out of it................"
Now Playing:: The best of me.......................Bryan Adams
Friday, March 28, 2008
Friday, March 21, 2008
Thought Attack
It seemed to be a long time since people had settled down for the night's dreaming. It was around 1:30, when i finally managed to flop into bed, with one foot already in the droopy realms of sleep but the other foot strongly refusing to oblige its partner. I spent almost an hour tossing and turning with a thousand incoherent thoughts caught in a tug-of-war in the dull cloudiness of my restless brain. It was hardly doing any good; lying on the bed...............i woke up, infact i never slept in peace.
The night world outside seemed to be in some kind of commotion as well. On the whole it was a strange kind of night with sporadic gusts of wind, followed by an eerie sough that got conflated with the irritating whispers of the dry mango leaves making a futile attempt to stay put on the cemented floor when being lifted by the juvenile breeze. With every passing second these sounds magnified, giving rise to black imagings. I woke up amidst this strange cacophony of the night world.
I turned the computer on, and played the song, " kahin na jaa ", which was sent to me on that very night by a chat friend ( i dnt know what else to call him ). I leaned back and closed my eyes. Listening to the song ( its a R D Burman no. ) echoing faintly in my ears...........i could feel the film of the past hovering around me................. compelling me to remember things that were making their foray into the conscious; which till now had been slumbering in the unconscious. The lyrics have a cadence, a compulsive quality that engages you in spite of yourself. The song goes something like this,
" Kahin na jaa, aaj kahin mat jaa
phir mile na mile, yeh pal yeh sama
baahon mein aajaaa.............."
This line, " baahon mein aajaa"..............brought into the room a pleasant frisson of passionate tension that had not been there before or, if it had existed, it had existed so deep down.................probably in the gaping chasms of the mind.I liked these lines the most,
" uljhan teri main sab janoon, tujhe teri tarah pehchanoon "
The most futile cry of man is his impossible wish to be understood, and the attempt to understand is probably a thousand times even more futile. The tune of the song along with the eerie night breeze induced a sort of self-forgetfulness; they spoke of an experience that was immediate and real...............churning a few unreasonable tears in my eyes. I know this sounds too hokey, but i cant help it!! I've to indite these emotions to smother the mounting frustrations within myself.
I dont exactly remember, the number of times i played this song, but it continued till late in the morning.............marking an end of yet another sleepless night.
Solitude sometimes arouses vague emotions; the half-formed hopes and desires and fears and joys, that can give enough employment to the mind............to last an entire night. A couple of events last night unlocked the flood-gates of these unwanted memories..........but, on the contrary they made me a better judge of my own thoughts.
Come tomorrow and i will explode my life into a riot of colour. Anywayz HAPPY HOLI readers.
Now Playing:: Kahin na jaa...................Kishore & Lata
The night world outside seemed to be in some kind of commotion as well. On the whole it was a strange kind of night with sporadic gusts of wind, followed by an eerie sough that got conflated with the irritating whispers of the dry mango leaves making a futile attempt to stay put on the cemented floor when being lifted by the juvenile breeze. With every passing second these sounds magnified, giving rise to black imagings. I woke up amidst this strange cacophony of the night world.
I turned the computer on, and played the song, " kahin na jaa ", which was sent to me on that very night by a chat friend ( i dnt know what else to call him ). I leaned back and closed my eyes. Listening to the song ( its a R D Burman no. ) echoing faintly in my ears...........i could feel the film of the past hovering around me................. compelling me to remember things that were making their foray into the conscious; which till now had been slumbering in the unconscious. The lyrics have a cadence, a compulsive quality that engages you in spite of yourself. The song goes something like this,
" Kahin na jaa, aaj kahin mat jaa
phir mile na mile, yeh pal yeh sama
baahon mein aajaaa.............."
This line, " baahon mein aajaa"..............brought into the room a pleasant frisson of passionate tension that had not been there before or, if it had existed, it had existed so deep down.................probably in the gaping chasms of the mind.I liked these lines the most,
" uljhan teri main sab janoon, tujhe teri tarah pehchanoon "
The most futile cry of man is his impossible wish to be understood, and the attempt to understand is probably a thousand times even more futile. The tune of the song along with the eerie night breeze induced a sort of self-forgetfulness; they spoke of an experience that was immediate and real...............churning a few unreasonable tears in my eyes. I know this sounds too hokey, but i cant help it!! I've to indite these emotions to smother the mounting frustrations within myself.
I dont exactly remember, the number of times i played this song, but it continued till late in the morning.............marking an end of yet another sleepless night.
Solitude sometimes arouses vague emotions; the half-formed hopes and desires and fears and joys, that can give enough employment to the mind............to last an entire night. A couple of events last night unlocked the flood-gates of these unwanted memories..........but, on the contrary they made me a better judge of my own thoughts.
Come tomorrow and i will explode my life into a riot of colour. Anywayz HAPPY HOLI readers.
Now Playing:: Kahin na jaa...................Kishore & Lata
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
Confessions of a Charlatan
I am a good talker. I love to hear the sound of my own voice, its pleasant music............to me, the talker. So its not amazing, how i foxtrotted into this world of sham and mendacity. The worst of it was that in spite of this knowledge of my degeneration, i continued to behave as before. I continued to lie and sham. And thats coz i could not quell this desire of reading hands...........those knotted fingers, the thumb, those sinuous and winding life, head, and heart lines..........exposing a bewildering world of its own...........stirring an ineluctable feeling to get lost in those alleys of complicated mechanisms.
I wasnt doing all this just to get popular or become the nucleus of attention. There was something in the way that people started admiring me. They came to me for my advice and opinions because they believed that i knew more than they did. They asked for my help in finding the solutions to their problems thinking that i am wiser than they are. People saw in me a person who knew everything about something, while all the time i was just a less advanced life form trying to know something about everything. We got our perspectives badly mixed.
People would always ask the same vexing question, " What does the future hold for me?" My success in answering this question depended heavily on my opening words, as the consideration that they would give me to what i say later would be based on their first impression. I dont think i ever lied to them but i dont think i made them conversant with the truth either. I carefully constructed my sentences with phrases and tried to manipulate their mental processes with the limited amount of knowledge that was there at my disposal. I felt strange when people actually started to believe me when all i was trying to do was base my predictions by just looking at their fingers, and some lines which help in deducing certain aspects of the personality.
After all these years of my so called ' practise ', i can say that most of the human problems seem to originate in the mind. So the greatest benefit that i could impart to anyone was FAITH. Most of us find our lives in a pool of shambles because of the unsuspected defects within ourselves. The only thing that i did was, i tried to implant a certain degree of faith in people who placed their hands before me; faith in themselves, in their abilities and in their strength to overcome dangers and defects residing within themselves.
Some months back i told a friend of mine after reading his hands that he would surely get a job this year. He was running low on confidence, and this being his final year, i did not want to deny him of 'hope'. Yesterday he called me up to drop the tidings of his placement in TCS.
SPEECHLESS!!!!!
Hence these confessions!!
Maybe it is better to dwell like an ignoramus than constantly be on tenterhooks by being a charlatan.
Now Playing:: Hoshwalon ko khabar kya................Jagjit Singh
I wasnt doing all this just to get popular or become the nucleus of attention. There was something in the way that people started admiring me. They came to me for my advice and opinions because they believed that i knew more than they did. They asked for my help in finding the solutions to their problems thinking that i am wiser than they are. People saw in me a person who knew everything about something, while all the time i was just a less advanced life form trying to know something about everything. We got our perspectives badly mixed.
People would always ask the same vexing question, " What does the future hold for me?" My success in answering this question depended heavily on my opening words, as the consideration that they would give me to what i say later would be based on their first impression. I dont think i ever lied to them but i dont think i made them conversant with the truth either. I carefully constructed my sentences with phrases and tried to manipulate their mental processes with the limited amount of knowledge that was there at my disposal. I felt strange when people actually started to believe me when all i was trying to do was base my predictions by just looking at their fingers, and some lines which help in deducing certain aspects of the personality.
After all these years of my so called ' practise ', i can say that most of the human problems seem to originate in the mind. So the greatest benefit that i could impart to anyone was FAITH. Most of us find our lives in a pool of shambles because of the unsuspected defects within ourselves. The only thing that i did was, i tried to implant a certain degree of faith in people who placed their hands before me; faith in themselves, in their abilities and in their strength to overcome dangers and defects residing within themselves.
Some months back i told a friend of mine after reading his hands that he would surely get a job this year. He was running low on confidence, and this being his final year, i did not want to deny him of 'hope'. Yesterday he called me up to drop the tidings of his placement in TCS.
SPEECHLESS!!!!!
Hence these confessions!!
Maybe it is better to dwell like an ignoramus than constantly be on tenterhooks by being a charlatan.
Now Playing:: Hoshwalon ko khabar kya................Jagjit Singh
Sunday, March 16, 2008
The Universe Takes Revenge
Everything was usual about yesterday, infact everything about the whole week had been usual; nothing outside the day's routine had happened for some time; and it did not look like anything would ever happen again. My body had gone through those little congeries of events, common to all Homo sapiens; dressing and undressing, eating, drinking and sleeping; but it seemed as if the rest of me, including mind and soul were enjoying the tranquil hibernation, with needs equivalent to naught. So the Universe decided not to crush me under the weight of a routine schedule and packed the events of a dreary Saturday with an intention to surprise me with some unpleasant events, but our capacity to absorb surprises is enormous i guess.
There i was then, returning home; all gay and cheerful coz i managed to get the highest marks in a stupid exam, resulting in the Prof showering a bunch of encomiums on my rather wretched studying habits. I was so entangled in my brown-study that for some reasons unknown, i avoided the highway ( my usual way back home ), and turned towards a street that i always had a paticular aversion for. The street was pretty deserted leaving me with no other option but raising the acceleration and i could see the needle almost kissing the 60 mark. O you know what i am hinting at!!
I continued to drive at that speed, until a stupid car driver decided to take a sharp right turn without giving the damn indicator. In a last effort to avoid collision, i applied the brakes but the speed was too much for me to control. My Activa skidded, and a couple of somersaults later i came back to my usual senses. I realised that the street had become peopled all of a sudden, and my helmet suffering the impact, had detached itself from my head and was lying far away from my zone of reach. Now, accidents no matter how gory they turn out to be, are real embarassing situations to find oneself in. They compel you to entertain serious doubts about your driving skills.
By this time some guys had perched all around me and were surveying the scene with intense curiosity. Somebody amongst them lifted the Activa and handed me the helmet. The next moment saw me vanishing from the scene like greased lightning to save myself from further agonies of embarrassment. It was only after i reached home that i saw the crater like dents and not to mention the innumerable scratches that got added to the voluptuous figure of my Activa. But the poor thing!! is in a fine running fettle even after such an assault.
And listen to what my bro had to say about all this when i placed him a call. " Accident........thats allright but dont ask me for my blood........i've lost enough weight and i dnt want to lose any more by giving you those precious drops." Thats how strong my khoon ka rishta is!!
So guys never complain about the kind of routine that your life seems to be falling into, coz when the Universe decides to register your complaints a bit more seriously, you know that you are in deep trouble, and all are not lucky like me to escape such accidents sans injuries.
Now Playing:: American idiot............................Green Day
There i was then, returning home; all gay and cheerful coz i managed to get the highest marks in a stupid exam, resulting in the Prof showering a bunch of encomiums on my rather wretched studying habits. I was so entangled in my brown-study that for some reasons unknown, i avoided the highway ( my usual way back home ), and turned towards a street that i always had a paticular aversion for. The street was pretty deserted leaving me with no other option but raising the acceleration and i could see the needle almost kissing the 60 mark. O you know what i am hinting at!!
I continued to drive at that speed, until a stupid car driver decided to take a sharp right turn without giving the damn indicator. In a last effort to avoid collision, i applied the brakes but the speed was too much for me to control. My Activa skidded, and a couple of somersaults later i came back to my usual senses. I realised that the street had become peopled all of a sudden, and my helmet suffering the impact, had detached itself from my head and was lying far away from my zone of reach. Now, accidents no matter how gory they turn out to be, are real embarassing situations to find oneself in. They compel you to entertain serious doubts about your driving skills.
By this time some guys had perched all around me and were surveying the scene with intense curiosity. Somebody amongst them lifted the Activa and handed me the helmet. The next moment saw me vanishing from the scene like greased lightning to save myself from further agonies of embarrassment. It was only after i reached home that i saw the crater like dents and not to mention the innumerable scratches that got added to the voluptuous figure of my Activa. But the poor thing!! is in a fine running fettle even after such an assault.
And listen to what my bro had to say about all this when i placed him a call. " Accident........thats allright but dont ask me for my blood........i've lost enough weight and i dnt want to lose any more by giving you those precious drops." Thats how strong my khoon ka rishta is!!
So guys never complain about the kind of routine that your life seems to be falling into, coz when the Universe decides to register your complaints a bit more seriously, you know that you are in deep trouble, and all are not lucky like me to escape such accidents sans injuries.
Now Playing:: American idiot............................Green Day
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Revisiting Those Lanes
Ok so where was i the whole of last week? Think, i was in a waking dream, thousand miles away from my surroundings, probably lost in the dusty bylanes of that sleepy, picturesque, and fictitious place called MALGUDI- an eternal fascination for Narayan's readers. I certainly wasnt reading Narayan for the first time but it was strange that i felt like an inebriate, imbibing strong and heady wine. I have been so much into Narayan this past week........almost feels like an over-dose of Malgudi........but i still yearn for those lemon pickles, and the inevitable, tumbler of hot coffee and steaming tiffin that we encounter so many times in his works.
So why this sudden fascination for Narayan........for Swami and his friends.............in a world that probably belongs to the Harry Potters and people writing about war and sex........the only existing extremes that human beings find pleasure engaging in. It so happened that i stumbled upon Narayan's autobiography, MY DAYS, last week. What began as a quest to know more about Narayan's life, ended up in me devouring the other works that were readily available on my book-shelf. So in the past eight days i was lost in a corner of the house, and like a hungry anaconda devoured Malgudi School Days, The English Teacher, The Bachelor of Arts, and The Dark Room.
Of all these, i enjoyed his autobiography a lot............written in a simple, lucid style with gentle irony, and a wry sense of humour its a delightfully brilliant account of his growing up years at his grandmother's place in Madras with a bizarre caboodle of pets and i guess Swami in many ways is the mirror image of Narayan himself sans the pets ofcourse. Numbers and figures invited his disgust and always interested in literature, it was very early in life when Narayan decided that his trade would be...........writing. Infact i was so struck by his unswerving sanguineness that for a timeless time i sat gazing at his picture, desperate to strike a conversation with this literary genius. Maybe some people realise the purpose of their life " just too early ".
So why this sudden fascination for Narayan........for Swami and his friends.............in a world that probably belongs to the Harry Potters and people writing about war and sex........the only existing extremes that human beings find pleasure engaging in. It so happened that i stumbled upon Narayan's autobiography, MY DAYS, last week. What began as a quest to know more about Narayan's life, ended up in me devouring the other works that were readily available on my book-shelf. So in the past eight days i was lost in a corner of the house, and like a hungry anaconda devoured Malgudi School Days, The English Teacher, The Bachelor of Arts, and The Dark Room.
Of all these, i enjoyed his autobiography a lot............written in a simple, lucid style with gentle irony, and a wry sense of humour its a delightfully brilliant account of his growing up years at his grandmother's place in Madras with a bizarre caboodle of pets and i guess Swami in many ways is the mirror image of Narayan himself sans the pets ofcourse. Numbers and figures invited his disgust and always interested in literature, it was very early in life when Narayan decided that his trade would be...........writing. Infact i was so struck by his unswerving sanguineness that for a timeless time i sat gazing at his picture, desperate to strike a conversation with this literary genius. Maybe some people realise the purpose of their life " just too early ".
R. K. Narayan describes his conception of Malgudi " I bought an exercise book and wrote the first line of a novel; as i sat in a room nibbling my pen and wondering what to write, Malgudi with its little railway station swam into view, all ready-made, with a character called Swaminathan running down the platform peering into faces of passengers, and grimacing at a bearded face; this seemed to take me on the right track of writing, as day by day pages grew out of it linked to each other. ( In the final draft the only change was that the Malgudi station came at the end of the story.)"
It was interesting to know that Narayan had a roving eye and quite openly celebrates his feelings of love as he says, " sighing over a pretty face and form seen on a balcony, or from across the street, or in a crowd, longing for love..............................any girl who lifted her eyes and seemed to notice me became at once my sweetheart, till someone else took her place. " How the manuscript of his book, Swami and Friends, caught the attention of Graham Greene and his life long friendship with him, his falling in love and marriage with Rajam followed by her sad demise and his odyssey towards fame and world wide popularity makes it an excellent read. Hey anyone of you who knows what a 'pyol' in Tamil means, then please lemme know.
The book does offer certain valuable tips for budding writers........rules that were stringently followed and some that were avoided by the writer himself. He says, " i took care not to read too much or anything that might influence my writing at the moment." And then there was something about measuring one's literary output by counting the number of words written in a day, and all a writer has to do is to write, write and write, eventhough his works do not get published.
Narayan was largely responsible for exposing the Oriental magnificence, but many have criticized his style to be "pedestrian", "impoverished", "limited and conventional". Maybe Narayan today will not appeal to the spick and span generation, and probably Swami's real and lively world would slip into oblivion facing tough competition from Potter's magical and sub-human world. Harry may have won the battle, but Swami in the long run.............will win the war.
Now Playing::Jeene ke ishaare milgaye................Phir milenge
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
The Winning Streak
'Monday'.......damn thing............it always comes round again, pretending to be new, but alas!! its always the same in reality. I think thats what most people feel about " MONDAYS ". But not this monday........i mean yesterday..........thank God it came and disappeared, without causing much of " anything ". It was just a brief, insignificant interlude between a 'Super Sunday', and a thousand times more 'Superb Tuesday'. Oyye bheja fry!! then scrolling try!!
Still didnt get the connection between Sunday and Tuesday?? Gadho prasad chaurasia that you are, lemme tell you that India won both the CB series finals. I know that its a stale news to deliver, toh kya hua.......ho jaye balle balle, oyye chakde phatte. God kasam dil garden, garden ho gaya!! Oh! boy!! what a treat it was to watch India digging the final nail in Australia's coffin.
Really glad that i played truant from college today, otherwise would have missed some huge doses of entertainment. Classes would have made my mind wander towards cricket, eventhough my body could not actually slip out. Believe me guys, my vocal cords are almost paralysed................courtesy, the high intensity of screaming and shouting that i was engaged in through out the day. I guess my adrenaline was all over the living-room. I hardly remember the number of times that i jumped in glee or joyously punched the air above and screamed, " yeeeeeeeeee".
I really missed dad a lot today. Watching cricket with dad is like being crazy and zombiehood in full bloom. We have this mini-dancing sessions, everytime a boundary is hit or a wicket is taken, that makes us appear almost like lunatics. And not to mention the damaging effects we can have on the tympanum ( it means ear drums........for readers who didnt study biology ), courtesy the high decibels of noise that we genarate, contributing to more of noise pollution. But watching cricket sans dad is sooo boring.
Ok! enough of my reverie, but what a nail biting final it was. The best moments of the match would be undoubtedly Tendulkar's innings, and not to mention the joy on seeing Clarke's stumps in total disarray. Dil ko badi thandak pahunchi when Hayden got short of his crease and i think the match reached its dramatic denouement, when Symmonds' foot was caught before wicket off Bhajji's spin.
I do agree that all sports should be played with a competitve spirit, but i couldn't help but enjoy a dash of Schadenfreude in today's game. You should have seen those Aussie faces...........they were like, a sorry looking heap of crushed arrogance. These guys probably think that they are god's gift to cricket. This defeat must have galled the hell out of them; poor souls, i guess were more busy in firing verbal arsenals; with a toupee like hairstyle guy creating all the ruckus. I wonder why he took so much of offence on being compared to the atavistic remnants, probably he didnt realise that he almost lost the chance to become the first ever " living fossil ", amongst the human species.
Anyway i am more than glad that India won and gave a befitting reply to those puerile blame games played by the Aussies. I guess that was the only way to teach those characters a lesson. Chalo Test ka badla One-day mein le liya.
Now Playing:: Eternal Flame.....................MLTR
Still didnt get the connection between Sunday and Tuesday?? Gadho prasad chaurasia that you are, lemme tell you that India won both the CB series finals. I know that its a stale news to deliver, toh kya hua.......ho jaye balle balle, oyye chakde phatte. God kasam dil garden, garden ho gaya!! Oh! boy!! what a treat it was to watch India digging the final nail in Australia's coffin.
Really glad that i played truant from college today, otherwise would have missed some huge doses of entertainment. Classes would have made my mind wander towards cricket, eventhough my body could not actually slip out. Believe me guys, my vocal cords are almost paralysed................courtesy, the high intensity of screaming and shouting that i was engaged in through out the day. I guess my adrenaline was all over the living-room. I hardly remember the number of times that i jumped in glee or joyously punched the air above and screamed, " yeeeeeeeeee".
I really missed dad a lot today. Watching cricket with dad is like being crazy and zombiehood in full bloom. We have this mini-dancing sessions, everytime a boundary is hit or a wicket is taken, that makes us appear almost like lunatics. And not to mention the damaging effects we can have on the tympanum ( it means ear drums........for readers who didnt study biology ), courtesy the high decibels of noise that we genarate, contributing to more of noise pollution. But watching cricket sans dad is sooo boring.
Ok! enough of my reverie, but what a nail biting final it was. The best moments of the match would be undoubtedly Tendulkar's innings, and not to mention the joy on seeing Clarke's stumps in total disarray. Dil ko badi thandak pahunchi when Hayden got short of his crease and i think the match reached its dramatic denouement, when Symmonds' foot was caught before wicket off Bhajji's spin.
I do agree that all sports should be played with a competitve spirit, but i couldn't help but enjoy a dash of Schadenfreude in today's game. You should have seen those Aussie faces...........they were like, a sorry looking heap of crushed arrogance. These guys probably think that they are god's gift to cricket. This defeat must have galled the hell out of them; poor souls, i guess were more busy in firing verbal arsenals; with a toupee like hairstyle guy creating all the ruckus. I wonder why he took so much of offence on being compared to the atavistic remnants, probably he didnt realise that he almost lost the chance to become the first ever " living fossil ", amongst the human species.
Anyway i am more than glad that India won and gave a befitting reply to those puerile blame games played by the Aussies. I guess that was the only way to teach those characters a lesson. Chalo Test ka badla One-day mein le liya.
Now Playing:: Eternal Flame.....................MLTR
Sunday, March 2, 2008
True Lies
" Why are you not opening the goddamn door? "
" Yeah i know that its late............but, what do you think........i can't get in...................."
" Just stop playing these puerile games with me.................you know i have a key!! "
********************************
" And what the hell..................why didn't you switch on the lights? "
" I can't believe, this is the house that i live in.................i dont get this, it looks so goddamn spooky........."
" What do you do all day at home.........."
" You..........your dark room, and your stupid dark thoughts...........when the hell will you start believing me? "
" Now get out of that room...........i'm sick and tired of banging."
" Ok.........ok.............i wont bang anymore."
" But please listen to me...............i know i should have told you about this much earlier............before everything was.........over........."
" I just hope you understand."
" Its amazing how my lies grew. I started with a small one that seemed too easy to cover.............then i got boxed and told another one........."
" You believed me at first.............you even acted upon my lies."
" I told them coz it was for your love that i craved with every atom of my being............"
" And yesterday...........yesterday..........in an agony of emotion...........i fell on my knees by the side of your coffin..........asking for forgiveness of you and of the Heaven.........."
" But you rejected me even in death............"
Now Playing:: Breathless.........................The Corrs
" Yeah i know that its late............but, what do you think........i can't get in...................."
" Just stop playing these puerile games with me.................you know i have a key!! "
********************************
" And what the hell..................why didn't you switch on the lights? "
" I can't believe, this is the house that i live in.................i dont get this, it looks so goddamn spooky........."
" What do you do all day at home.........."
" You..........your dark room, and your stupid dark thoughts...........when the hell will you start believing me? "
" Now get out of that room...........i'm sick and tired of banging."
" Ok.........ok.............i wont bang anymore."
" But please listen to me...............i know i should have told you about this much earlier............before everything was.........over........."
" I just hope you understand."
" Its amazing how my lies grew. I started with a small one that seemed too easy to cover.............then i got boxed and told another one........."
" You believed me at first.............you even acted upon my lies."
" I told them coz it was for your love that i craved with every atom of my being............"
" And yesterday...........yesterday..........in an agony of emotion...........i fell on my knees by the side of your coffin..........asking for forgiveness of you and of the Heaven.........."
" But you rejected me even in death............"
Now Playing:: Breathless.........................The Corrs
Thursday, February 28, 2008
The Poison Within
All my life i thought i had ice water running in my veins and i took great pride in staying cool. I was never angry on folks around me....... especially friends. I was never too much into socialising, infact i had sheltered myself from people all my life. I had carefully selected my few friends..............affectionate and admiring who helped to bring out the rare qualities within me. And here i am today stuck in the abyss of a wounded feeling, and regretting for having lost my temper on two of my best friends.
Perhaps the most difficult emotions of all to manage is anger, which all too often erupts into open rage. If once the damn thing starts it tends to be self perpetuating, and sometimes self amplifying as well. What began as a mild irritation ended in a virtual emotional explosion. Well they say that venting out anger reduces it, but in my case it has just fanned the flames of annoyance.
It would sound too silly if i try to indite the reasons for this sudden outburst. Whatever the reasons are, the fact that i could have avoided this deleterious occurence by keeping my mouth shut, is weighing too heavily on my conscience. And as usual i am regretting over things " just too late". I can now go on and beg a thousand apologies, but the ties of friendship are as slight as gossamer, and one wrong move can destroy the web of tender emotions, so carefully spun over a period of years, intended to survive the ravages of time.
A friend of mine once said a very nice thing about me, which when put elegantly means that i do not have merit enough to create a foe. But it seems that i do not have merit enough to create "friends". I have no clue whether i still, have my friends or, i had lost them the moment i banged the telephone?? But do friends in general require such explanations??
I know they are just a phone call away.........but here i am mulling over the causes of my anger and posting my thoughts and feelings.........looking for a catharsis for my troubled soul. I know that i have to act quickly otherwise i would be having bad conscience attacks for the rest of my life.
Now Playing:: Wake me up when sept ends.............Green Day
Perhaps the most difficult emotions of all to manage is anger, which all too often erupts into open rage. If once the damn thing starts it tends to be self perpetuating, and sometimes self amplifying as well. What began as a mild irritation ended in a virtual emotional explosion. Well they say that venting out anger reduces it, but in my case it has just fanned the flames of annoyance.
It would sound too silly if i try to indite the reasons for this sudden outburst. Whatever the reasons are, the fact that i could have avoided this deleterious occurence by keeping my mouth shut, is weighing too heavily on my conscience. And as usual i am regretting over things " just too late". I can now go on and beg a thousand apologies, but the ties of friendship are as slight as gossamer, and one wrong move can destroy the web of tender emotions, so carefully spun over a period of years, intended to survive the ravages of time.
A friend of mine once said a very nice thing about me, which when put elegantly means that i do not have merit enough to create a foe. But it seems that i do not have merit enough to create "friends". I have no clue whether i still, have my friends or, i had lost them the moment i banged the telephone?? But do friends in general require such explanations??
I know they are just a phone call away.........but here i am mulling over the causes of my anger and posting my thoughts and feelings.........looking for a catharsis for my troubled soul. I know that i have to act quickly otherwise i would be having bad conscience attacks for the rest of my life.
Now Playing:: Wake me up when sept ends.............Green Day
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Pyaar Ke Kuch Effects
So its that time of the year when LOVE seems to be the flavour of the month. Blame it on the hormones or that blind old son of Venus, that more and more people are falling in love. Of course love is the only thing thats never out of season, and its only becoz of love that the earth is still a better place to live and die.Now speaking of love, i wonder why people tag it as ' confusing, complex, difficult', and etc etc. And not to mention the over cliched," an ocean of tears". Come on, Grow up!! all of you guys who say these things. How can we afford to traduce the only simplest thing on planet earth. Ok........now dont start calling me a hypocrite coz in one of my posts i too did label love as a weasel-word, and confusing.......but thoughts change.......and i guess, i have now pole-vaulted to a logical conclusion as to why people tag it that way.
To start with, i dont think there can ever be anything wrong with the way people feel about each other. Believe!! me guys but our feelings never go wrong. How can a feeling that has ripened in the heart, a feeling that's beautiful in all aspects, pure, and sacred go wrong?? I think what goes wrong, is our response to that feeling. In most cases we do not acknowledge our own feelings. Even if we acknowledge, we fail to act on them. And after a sane stroke of fate when we finally decide to act.......we realise that its too late.......and the audience has left, thinking the show to be over. We never allow LOVE a chance, to give us a fairytale, right in the middle of an ordinary life.
Most people call it confusing, i guess becoz of the timing at which Cupid decides to pierce hearts. Imagine yourself falling in love, just before your engineering or medical entrance exams. Feels like shit!!, especially when your concentration, awareness, and conciousness go on a vacation. You end up screwing up your exam and collapse into an abyss of a wounded feeling. Now love is not a thing that happens when one is prepared for it. You cant prevent what you cant predict. Since it happens in the most inappropriate of times, we usually end up blaming it, not realising that its only our own ineptitude thats responsible for the things around us.
Its really strange that we remember things "just too late". Why is it that we remember the good stories that we could have told only after we bid "good-bye", to the one we love. So before time slips from your hands just grab hold the hand of your loved one and never let that person go from your life. And if you have hurt somebody then waste no time, coz apologies once postponed becomes harder and harder to make, and finally impossible.
We get only one life to live and a short one to cap it. So just say those unsaid words and do those undone things..........coz there's more hunger for love than for bread in this world. HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And readers this post doesnt imply that i am in love.
E kaa hui gava.....love ki dactarni ban gayi kya main, ya Karan Johar ki aatma ghus gayi hai mere andar..........chal nikal kalmuhe!!!
Now Playing:: Rimjhim gire sawan...............Manzil
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Stella
" Hello............yeah, its me....................thank God you are awake."
" Ya...........everything's fine............its just that...........forget it!! Howz life at your end?"
" O, really!! That sounds great."
" hmmm............can i ask you something?"
" No.......no, nothing to worry about. Its just that i desperately wanted to talk to someone..................."
" I know this sounds crazy.........but..........there's something about the way that i am feeling right now, and i can't help it!!"
" No, i am not sick..........i am perfectly fine, i think??...........or may be i am not just myself anymore.........."
" You know that i can never be fliudly intelligent."
" Helloo.........are you still there?"
" I know it has been a long time, since we had a conversation like this.................and all i want to say..........is that...........my emotions towards you haven't changend.........."
" No..........i am not asking you to return to me................i would be selfish if i do that............i know i dont deserve you..............but..........."
" I know our relationship was not simple........but there was nothing like it, either........"
" Its really difficult to dam this surging tide of emotions............and,"
" And the more i see you with her............the more i want to be with you.............the more i see you kissing, and talking to her...........the more i fall in love with you.........."
" Why is love the most difficult of all emotions to express?"
" Just look at me............i've become a total mess!!"
" I know, i have sinned...........a sin that is not venial........but, if its a sin to fall in love with a person already married...........then i am glad........that i have sinned.........."
" I am not asking you to act on my feelings........i am......i am.......just asking you to acknowledge them.............is it too much of an asking??"
" I know i can never say these words to you............i know there's nobody on the other end............i dont have the courage to dial your number.......and...........cowards like me do not desreve to be loved......."
" I can now sleep peacefully.........and in sleep..........i would weave a world of dreams.........atleast the dreams are mine..........even if they are not real........."
Now Playing:: Is mod se jati hai........Aandhi
" Ya...........everything's fine............its just that...........forget it!! Howz life at your end?"
" O, really!! That sounds great."
" hmmm............can i ask you something?"
" No.......no, nothing to worry about. Its just that i desperately wanted to talk to someone..................."
" I know this sounds crazy.........but..........there's something about the way that i am feeling right now, and i can't help it!!"
" No, i am not sick..........i am perfectly fine, i think??...........or may be i am not just myself anymore.........."
" You know that i can never be fliudly intelligent."
" Helloo.........are you still there?"
" I know it has been a long time, since we had a conversation like this.................and all i want to say..........is that...........my emotions towards you haven't changend.........."
" No..........i am not asking you to return to me................i would be selfish if i do that............i know i dont deserve you..............but..........."
" I know our relationship was not simple........but there was nothing like it, either........"
" Its really difficult to dam this surging tide of emotions............and,"
" And the more i see you with her............the more i want to be with you.............the more i see you kissing, and talking to her...........the more i fall in love with you.........."
" Why is love the most difficult of all emotions to express?"
" Just look at me............i've become a total mess!!"
" I know, i have sinned...........a sin that is not venial........but, if its a sin to fall in love with a person already married...........then i am glad........that i have sinned.........."
" I am not asking you to act on my feelings........i am......i am.......just asking you to acknowledge them.............is it too much of an asking??"
" I know i can never say these words to you............i know there's nobody on the other end............i dont have the courage to dial your number.......and...........cowards like me do not desreve to be loved......."
" I can now sleep peacefully.........and in sleep..........i would weave a world of dreams.........atleast the dreams are mine..........even if they are not real........."
Now Playing:: Is mod se jati hai........Aandhi
Friday, February 1, 2008
Itchy Feet Syndrome
The past week with its shimmering, dream-like beauty is finally over with my sojourn in God's own country coming to an end last saturday. The celerity of time does amaze me, but the week has left its share of many motley memories, which i guess,would take aeons to evanesce. I never exactly liked my feet getting itchy but this time there was no escape. In the past when my feet went itchy, a lot of aches almost wrestled to set up huge 'big bazaar' type malls in my body.Note, itchy feet can lead to head-aches, neck-aches, stomach-aches n butt-aches as well. So allow your feet to get itchy at your own risk!!!!
Now the past week, certainly was devoid of all kinds of glitter, but it had a charm, a beauty, a slow-paced glamour to it, which makes me feel that the present is nothing but a mirage in the desert of life. I was away from my "wretched existence", the uninspiring lectures, the papers, the exams and other intramural stuff. I think thats what travelling is all about, there's a melancholy, a nostalgia for what's left behind, and an excitement of venturing into virgin lands. I was glad to leave behind my acquainted civilization and be closer to the earth, nature n above all "myself".
But somehow i felt unsettled all through the raucous train journey; Simultaneously excited and unexpectedly apprehensive. Its a queer setting; a train journey. Its not that i have never travelled in a train earlier, but i certainly never viewed it in the manner that i am doing right now. I always had bro n sis for company and the journey would be an unfailing combo of mirth and melody, but this time i was travelling with my aunt n granny. Moreover i had to spend two dayz on the upper berth, and its always lonely at the top. You might call me eccentric, but it really amuses me how easily we share sleeping space with total strangers on a train. And what to talk about the inevitable," loos-with-views". Just wondering!! how many of the human species might have used them????
Since i had nothing else to do, i immersed myself in Anita Nair's," Satyr of the Subway and Urban Tales". The language is classy with occasional risque material popping in between, but couldnt quite comprehend the stories," The Karmic Cat" and " Behe-moth", for instance. Let me know if you could. Infact i was so awe-struck by her narrative that, when granny handed me an orange, i took a bite of it along with its skin thinking it to be an apple, and spilling the juice all over me. No wonder it left a bad taste in my mouth. Well this was the first time that i was reading a Niar work. Never knew she too writes about sex and foreplay. I wonder why people prefer exactitude on such topics.
Its a strange dharti; Kerela. Bathing in the pulchritude of nature, its landscape can be very soothing to a harried soul. Everything looks verdure, and if you are an outsider n happen to stay there for too long a time, you would simply crave for some other colour..........just for a change. And i wonder what has Kerela's dharti ingested that you find only and only coconut trees. Guess!! they would surpass the total human population of Kerela!!!!! Yet with the passing of time i fell under the spell of Kerela's exotic natural beauty. No offence meant but i found the men folk of this part of the world to be real creeps. There's a strange kind of lust that dwells in their eyes..........too difficult to comprehend. People dropping in "hi's". Trying to get a feel everytime you walk in the market...........beyond my levels of tolerance. Almost felt like an outlaw commanding attention wherever i went.
Anyway readers there's a nice beach event that's worth narration, but this post is getting increasingly long so its better i nip it in the bud. But do watch this space for that story.
Now Playing: Do i have to say the words.................Bryan
Now the past week, certainly was devoid of all kinds of glitter, but it had a charm, a beauty, a slow-paced glamour to it, which makes me feel that the present is nothing but a mirage in the desert of life. I was away from my "wretched existence", the uninspiring lectures, the papers, the exams and other intramural stuff. I think thats what travelling is all about, there's a melancholy, a nostalgia for what's left behind, and an excitement of venturing into virgin lands. I was glad to leave behind my acquainted civilization and be closer to the earth, nature n above all "myself".
But somehow i felt unsettled all through the raucous train journey; Simultaneously excited and unexpectedly apprehensive. Its a queer setting; a train journey. Its not that i have never travelled in a train earlier, but i certainly never viewed it in the manner that i am doing right now. I always had bro n sis for company and the journey would be an unfailing combo of mirth and melody, but this time i was travelling with my aunt n granny. Moreover i had to spend two dayz on the upper berth, and its always lonely at the top. You might call me eccentric, but it really amuses me how easily we share sleeping space with total strangers on a train. And what to talk about the inevitable," loos-with-views". Just wondering!! how many of the human species might have used them????
Since i had nothing else to do, i immersed myself in Anita Nair's," Satyr of the Subway and Urban Tales". The language is classy with occasional risque material popping in between, but couldnt quite comprehend the stories," The Karmic Cat" and " Behe-moth", for instance. Let me know if you could. Infact i was so awe-struck by her narrative that, when granny handed me an orange, i took a bite of it along with its skin thinking it to be an apple, and spilling the juice all over me. No wonder it left a bad taste in my mouth. Well this was the first time that i was reading a Niar work. Never knew she too writes about sex and foreplay. I wonder why people prefer exactitude on such topics.
Its a strange dharti; Kerela. Bathing in the pulchritude of nature, its landscape can be very soothing to a harried soul. Everything looks verdure, and if you are an outsider n happen to stay there for too long a time, you would simply crave for some other colour..........just for a change. And i wonder what has Kerela's dharti ingested that you find only and only coconut trees. Guess!! they would surpass the total human population of Kerela!!!!! Yet with the passing of time i fell under the spell of Kerela's exotic natural beauty. No offence meant but i found the men folk of this part of the world to be real creeps. There's a strange kind of lust that dwells in their eyes..........too difficult to comprehend. People dropping in "hi's". Trying to get a feel everytime you walk in the market...........beyond my levels of tolerance. Almost felt like an outlaw commanding attention wherever i went.
Anyway readers there's a nice beach event that's worth narration, but this post is getting increasingly long so its better i nip it in the bud. But do watch this space for that story.
Now Playing: Do i have to say the words.................Bryan
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Sangam
Why is it that, the more everything is beautiful around me the more wretched i feel? People think i am creative. I think i am not. When i look at myself in the mirror, all i find is a pair of inimical eyes casting saturnine glances disregarding my very existence. Creative people have a soothing serenity and tranquility in their eyes which i have never found in my eyes. And thats becoz my inner and outer worlds have always been at logger-heads, swinging the real "ME" , widely and quickly from one extreme to the other. Why dont we Homo sapiens have an intuitive sense of direction?
I am 20 now and i still dont have a purpose in life. Half the time i dont know what to do with myself...............and there's such a long life to live. I feel like looking up at the skies and screaming, " Damn you Universe. Why the hell did you have to waste so much of time and energy in creating a poltroon like me? And now that u have created me, cant u bless me with a sane mind, capable enough of finding a purpose in life? " Believe me that was no rhetoric. Its really difficult to face something, which you dont want to face, yet you must face. Why cant i return to those halcyon dayz of my life, when i had something to do, a purpose, a target, a destination, that i wanted to reach? May be i am born out of my time. I dont know where i am, or where i am going. I'll never do anything, and i'll never amount to anything. I think i'll never make it as a successful human being. Its either this world or the next!!
LOST!!!!!!!
OK, think i had a nice surgical exposure of my soul and i have no intention of discussing my soul's welfare any further. But that's how i am. Am habituated in putting down my thoughts, even the crazy ones. Coz writing is my way of relaxing, of working off my mounting frustrations over my inefficiency. Its my way of compensating for not being what i wanted to be.
Well, i saw the movie 'Sangam' yesterday and it left me ten times more depressed than i was. It isnt "depression" exactly but it did strike a visceral note somewhere. Got nearly sento three times ( mind it!!, just "nearly" ), but i dont wanna make a polite, emotional mess out of it. It made me realize that, human relationships are fragile, and therefore, fissile. The movie's all about, Friendship, Love, Sacrifice, Love, Friendship, and Sacrifice ( in that order ). I really dont have a problem with, " friendship and sacrifice ", though i think that, the whole point of a sacrifice is that you give up something you never really wanted in the first place. I hope you understand what i mean? I find people doing it around me all the time.
And what can i say about "LOVE". I am a tyro in that context. Guess, along with organic chemistry, its the only word which tops the list of "weasel-words". I had read somewhere that,
" Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night the ice-weasels come."
Believe me, i have no clue what the above sagacious thing means, its ten times more confusing than Kirchoff's Law. Or maybe "love" is no different than Kirchoff's law. The electrical circuit can be 'life', and Kirchoff's law can be 'love' itself. Now many have described love to be a breath-takingly beautiful emotion but in a relationship, one goes through different things and there are more chances of taking the other person for granted. And in the process, the initial innocence of love gets lost and you end up seeking other options. The same thing happens when applying Kirchoff's law as well. I end up giving so many directions to the current flow, that i lose track of the actual current and its magnitude. Usually i end up proving that the total current coming into a junction is not equal to the total current going out of the junction. Which is just the opposite of what the law states. Samjhe????? What samjhe, jab main khud nahin samjhi toh tum kya samjhoge!!!
Before i sign off, i leave you guys and gals also, with the lyrics of the antara of the song dost dost na raha, which is one of the highlights of the movie
Amanate main pyaar ki, gaya tha jis ko sonp ke,
woh mere dost tum hi the, tumhi toh the,
jo zindagi ki raah main, bane the mere humsafar,
woh mere dost tumhi the, tum hi toh the.
saare bhed khul gaye, raazdaar na raha
zindagi humein tera aetbaar na raha, aetbaar na rahaaaaaa
Guys try n listen to this song. You dont have to be in a similar situation to love it. Its a delicate conflation of sadness and romance. Its a must on every playlist. But its Bryan Adams who is currently playing on my playlist.
Now Playing:: 18 till i die....................
I am 20 now and i still dont have a purpose in life. Half the time i dont know what to do with myself...............and there's such a long life to live. I feel like looking up at the skies and screaming, " Damn you Universe. Why the hell did you have to waste so much of time and energy in creating a poltroon like me? And now that u have created me, cant u bless me with a sane mind, capable enough of finding a purpose in life? " Believe me that was no rhetoric. Its really difficult to face something, which you dont want to face, yet you must face. Why cant i return to those halcyon dayz of my life, when i had something to do, a purpose, a target, a destination, that i wanted to reach? May be i am born out of my time. I dont know where i am, or where i am going. I'll never do anything, and i'll never amount to anything. I think i'll never make it as a successful human being. Its either this world or the next!!
LOST!!!!!!!
OK, think i had a nice surgical exposure of my soul and i have no intention of discussing my soul's welfare any further. But that's how i am. Am habituated in putting down my thoughts, even the crazy ones. Coz writing is my way of relaxing, of working off my mounting frustrations over my inefficiency. Its my way of compensating for not being what i wanted to be.
Well, i saw the movie 'Sangam' yesterday and it left me ten times more depressed than i was. It isnt "depression" exactly but it did strike a visceral note somewhere. Got nearly sento three times ( mind it!!, just "nearly" ), but i dont wanna make a polite, emotional mess out of it. It made me realize that, human relationships are fragile, and therefore, fissile. The movie's all about, Friendship, Love, Sacrifice, Love, Friendship, and Sacrifice ( in that order ). I really dont have a problem with, " friendship and sacrifice ", though i think that, the whole point of a sacrifice is that you give up something you never really wanted in the first place. I hope you understand what i mean? I find people doing it around me all the time.
And what can i say about "LOVE". I am a tyro in that context. Guess, along with organic chemistry, its the only word which tops the list of "weasel-words". I had read somewhere that,
" Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night the ice-weasels come."
Believe me, i have no clue what the above sagacious thing means, its ten times more confusing than Kirchoff's Law. Or maybe "love" is no different than Kirchoff's law. The electrical circuit can be 'life', and Kirchoff's law can be 'love' itself. Now many have described love to be a breath-takingly beautiful emotion but in a relationship, one goes through different things and there are more chances of taking the other person for granted. And in the process, the initial innocence of love gets lost and you end up seeking other options. The same thing happens when applying Kirchoff's law as well. I end up giving so many directions to the current flow, that i lose track of the actual current and its magnitude. Usually i end up proving that the total current coming into a junction is not equal to the total current going out of the junction. Which is just the opposite of what the law states. Samjhe????? What samjhe, jab main khud nahin samjhi toh tum kya samjhoge!!!
Before i sign off, i leave you guys and gals also, with the lyrics of the antara of the song dost dost na raha, which is one of the highlights of the movie
Amanate main pyaar ki, gaya tha jis ko sonp ke,
woh mere dost tum hi the, tumhi toh the,
jo zindagi ki raah main, bane the mere humsafar,
woh mere dost tumhi the, tum hi toh the.
saare bhed khul gaye, raazdaar na raha
zindagi humein tera aetbaar na raha, aetbaar na rahaaaaaa
Guys try n listen to this song. You dont have to be in a similar situation to love it. Its a delicate conflation of sadness and romance. Its a must on every playlist. But its Bryan Adams who is currently playing on my playlist.
Now Playing:: 18 till i die....................
Friday, January 4, 2008
Quixotic Morning Part 2
Ladies and gentlemen, guys, gals and pals, fasten your seat belts and brace yourself, coz you are about to read the puke from the mind of a certified wacko like me; so get ready to be bedazzled. Now i have to caution my readers ( if any!! ) that the post is not funny, not sad, infact it would fail to evoke any kind of emotion at all, but i had a nice time putting it down. So dont torture your soul by proceeding further. You think i cant see you, i know the cursor is almost on the cute red-cross on the top right hand corner of your screen n there it goes.........click...........
Hey hi, so some of you are still reading........strange!!! Ok now that you have decided to read it, make sure that you have the part one in your kitty coz there's a continum of mood. And after reading dont say that, Deepika bina peeke dimaag chaat ti hai. Aisa kabhi mat kehna feel hota hai n that red cross is still there. Ok enough of the introduction for a not so good post but lets get started. Enjoy.
Since nobody was around i decided to recharge the Wordsworthian battery in me by taking a brief mental foray into nature. It was indeed a "brief" foray becoz of the intrusion caused by two human species who made their appearance on the stage. I am actualy rushing into the facts coz i really dont want to bore the few readers that i have, to death by giving them an account of what i saw in Nature. Just notice my immense respect for your time and patience. So the gates were open and two guys walked in through them. Now the philanthrope in me started jumping in glee n the misanthrope started grouching coz their Activa would be the first to get serviced.
The nazron ka milna, dilon ka dhadkna, thing didnt happen as we exchanged not so friendly looks. It was chilly no doubt but those two guys were so much wrapped in warm clothes cap-a-pie, i thought they were refugees from Greenland. Just when i was watching these strange creatures from the corner of my eye, my cell phone startled me with the ringtone of doorie. It was queer coz nobody calls me that early in the morning, but who else could be synonymous with queer other than Barsha. Here's a close friend who had called to wish me a Happy Birthday.........two weeks later.
It was 7:30 n many customers had turned up by then ( about 6 ) but there was still no trace of the people in charge. The lecherous looks of these people was really driving me crazy n i wanted to scream," kabhi ladki nahin dekhi hai kya? " I was in a quandary whether to stay or leave. A few minutes later a squabby fellow entered the scene riding a bicycle. I think this guy was genuinely happy to see me there even though i was not a "fair" representative of the fairer sex. Well his happiness was evident in the broad grin with which he greeted me, leaving me with no option but returning the gesture with the same. This guy was the care-taker, u know the one with the keys. Then followed the mechanics n the guy who notes down stuff n makes you sign atleast three papers minimum. The formalities were over n my Blacky followed Goldy into the operation theatre. Blacky certainly has all the traits of a sapphic i guess.
The squabby fellow came smiling again ( think he was suffering from smiling diahorrea ) n asked," Madam, wait karibe na paleibe? "( Madam u'll wait or go? ) Now this was the first time that i was addressed as "madam" in public domain n it certainly lifted my spirits a bit. When i said i would wait, he looked doubly happy ( strange guy!! ) He led me to the waiting hall n switched on the goggle-box. Handing me the remote control he advised me to press the buttons real hard if i had to change channels. Think that was a nice way of saying "do not change the channel." Anywayz 9xm was the channel that i was forced to watch, but i guess it was better than just sitting n twiddling thumbs.
I would have preffered the latter had i not been compelled to watch, forget listen, Himesh Reshammiya's songs that to early in the morning. It was arrant torture, imagine i had to watch songs like, rafta rafta, zara jhoom jhoom n those stupid songs from Aap ka suroor. I think this guy was a wolf in his previous birth n with all those ooooooooooooooooooo stuff in his songs, it seems like he's on the look out for a she-wolf for mating. I just feel like taking that cap out and depilating him. Ok no more indulging in the traducement of Mr. Reshammiya.
And yes the smiling guy walked in again, with the Times n asked "madam coffee na tea?" This certainly made my mind race wildly in circles n i thought "was this guy on a quixotic mission or something?" Whatever he was on, i certainly couldnt skip the opportunity of having coffee on a chilly winter morning n especially after watching Himesh's songs a hot cuppa is like a placebo. Well the guy disappeared to fetch coffee n i was left all with myself n the goggle-box once again. I started flipping the pages of the Times; my visual senses taking everything at a time but my mind registering nothing at all. The guy returned to me ( sounds like some amour na!! ) with coffee and ofcourse he was smiling. I thought the guy would leave, but he was still standing there with a stupid expression on his face, as if he was expecting something. Then it dawned on me that i had to pay him. How stupid of me to think that somethings cant be "free". I asked "how much?", opening my wallet. He simply stammered,"no.....no.....i just wanted to know howz it?" Confused at this i managed a,"ohhhh ok.........", took a sip, it was super hot, the damn thing burnt my tongue and i managed a,"its nice". Well reader you might be thinking that i am a shameless creature and actually i am shameless, i accept favors too easily. But the hypocrite in me did offer to pay for the coffee though it didnt compel the guy, he was too reluctant, what could i do, how could i break his heart and more importantly his "smile".
After the smiling guy left, the two other guys walked in ( remember the refugees from Greenland), with a poonch kata hua bandar expression on their faces. The exchange of looks followed and they settled on the sofa in front of me. Think they were flabbergasted to see me having coffee n i am sure they were doubting the 'smiling guy'. They had nothing else to do except watching the goggle-box, with a concentration so intense as if 9xm ( the channel that was playing ) was airing episodes on the origin of life on earth. They did look around for the remote but guess they were too scared to enter my vicinity. And mean while i sneaked a look of their faces. One of them ( the guy with specs ) was weasel-faced and was actually quite charming. The other guy reminded me of one of my friends and appeared to be a bit squiffy, although he wasnt.
Now, guys there are times when u feel like running away from a place or situation but at the back of your mind u know that u cant flee, you have to silently suffer the agonies of embarrassment at your arrant helplessness. That's what i had to go through but now i find it extremely funny. Here's what happened. The camera zooms in. Three strangers; a gal and two guys in a waiting hall, happily watching the song dhoom tana ( OSO ), with smiles on their faces. The song comes to an end and the song bheege honth tere ( Murder ) starts playing. The smile disappears, a strange expression, the one which is new even to the world of films, starts creeping all over the three faces. The gal grows restive and starts casting furtive glances on the floor and other parts of the universe. The guys grow restive aswell but continue watching the non-veg on screen. The song comes to an end and the three of them return to normalcy occasionally sneaking looks at each other. The camera zooms out.
It was nine o' clock by then and i decided to go downstairs to check out the status. I was about to leave when the smiling guy ( again!! ) came running ( not exactly running, he was taking huge steps but ), saying, "madam your activa is ready." At this statement the two guys came out with a "and what about ours?" The smiling guy replied rather blunty," go downstairs and check out!!" Believe me they would have smashed every bone in his body had the the smiling guy not replied,"i think its done aswell" with a smile. He showed me the counter where i had to pay the money and was there till i collected the reciept. He told me to wait near the gate and returned riding my Blacky which was super shining under the sun. I couldnt find the other two guys around though.
Anyway before leaving i asked the smiling guy his name; it was Shiv. Waved him a bye and zoomed away from the strange place. Recently heard about the molestation that took place in Mumbai but i think there are people like the smiling guy who make you realize that may be chivalry is not yet dead in this world.
Now Playing:: Back to you................................Bryan Adams
Hey hi, so some of you are still reading........strange!!! Ok now that you have decided to read it, make sure that you have the part one in your kitty coz there's a continum of mood. And after reading dont say that, Deepika bina peeke dimaag chaat ti hai. Aisa kabhi mat kehna feel hota hai n that red cross is still there. Ok enough of the introduction for a not so good post but lets get started. Enjoy.
Since nobody was around i decided to recharge the Wordsworthian battery in me by taking a brief mental foray into nature. It was indeed a "brief" foray becoz of the intrusion caused by two human species who made their appearance on the stage. I am actualy rushing into the facts coz i really dont want to bore the few readers that i have, to death by giving them an account of what i saw in Nature. Just notice my immense respect for your time and patience. So the gates were open and two guys walked in through them. Now the philanthrope in me started jumping in glee n the misanthrope started grouching coz their Activa would be the first to get serviced.
The nazron ka milna, dilon ka dhadkna, thing didnt happen as we exchanged not so friendly looks. It was chilly no doubt but those two guys were so much wrapped in warm clothes cap-a-pie, i thought they were refugees from Greenland. Just when i was watching these strange creatures from the corner of my eye, my cell phone startled me with the ringtone of doorie. It was queer coz nobody calls me that early in the morning, but who else could be synonymous with queer other than Barsha. Here's a close friend who had called to wish me a Happy Birthday.........two weeks later.
It was 7:30 n many customers had turned up by then ( about 6 ) but there was still no trace of the people in charge. The lecherous looks of these people was really driving me crazy n i wanted to scream," kabhi ladki nahin dekhi hai kya? " I was in a quandary whether to stay or leave. A few minutes later a squabby fellow entered the scene riding a bicycle. I think this guy was genuinely happy to see me there even though i was not a "fair" representative of the fairer sex. Well his happiness was evident in the broad grin with which he greeted me, leaving me with no option but returning the gesture with the same. This guy was the care-taker, u know the one with the keys. Then followed the mechanics n the guy who notes down stuff n makes you sign atleast three papers minimum. The formalities were over n my Blacky followed Goldy into the operation theatre. Blacky certainly has all the traits of a sapphic i guess.
The squabby fellow came smiling again ( think he was suffering from smiling diahorrea ) n asked," Madam, wait karibe na paleibe? "( Madam u'll wait or go? ) Now this was the first time that i was addressed as "madam" in public domain n it certainly lifted my spirits a bit. When i said i would wait, he looked doubly happy ( strange guy!! ) He led me to the waiting hall n switched on the goggle-box. Handing me the remote control he advised me to press the buttons real hard if i had to change channels. Think that was a nice way of saying "do not change the channel." Anywayz 9xm was the channel that i was forced to watch, but i guess it was better than just sitting n twiddling thumbs.
I would have preffered the latter had i not been compelled to watch, forget listen, Himesh Reshammiya's songs that to early in the morning. It was arrant torture, imagine i had to watch songs like, rafta rafta, zara jhoom jhoom n those stupid songs from Aap ka suroor. I think this guy was a wolf in his previous birth n with all those ooooooooooooooooooo stuff in his songs, it seems like he's on the look out for a she-wolf for mating. I just feel like taking that cap out and depilating him. Ok no more indulging in the traducement of Mr. Reshammiya.
And yes the smiling guy walked in again, with the Times n asked "madam coffee na tea?" This certainly made my mind race wildly in circles n i thought "was this guy on a quixotic mission or something?" Whatever he was on, i certainly couldnt skip the opportunity of having coffee on a chilly winter morning n especially after watching Himesh's songs a hot cuppa is like a placebo. Well the guy disappeared to fetch coffee n i was left all with myself n the goggle-box once again. I started flipping the pages of the Times; my visual senses taking everything at a time but my mind registering nothing at all. The guy returned to me ( sounds like some amour na!! ) with coffee and ofcourse he was smiling. I thought the guy would leave, but he was still standing there with a stupid expression on his face, as if he was expecting something. Then it dawned on me that i had to pay him. How stupid of me to think that somethings cant be "free". I asked "how much?", opening my wallet. He simply stammered,"no.....no.....i just wanted to know howz it?" Confused at this i managed a,"ohhhh ok.........", took a sip, it was super hot, the damn thing burnt my tongue and i managed a,"its nice". Well reader you might be thinking that i am a shameless creature and actually i am shameless, i accept favors too easily. But the hypocrite in me did offer to pay for the coffee though it didnt compel the guy, he was too reluctant, what could i do, how could i break his heart and more importantly his "smile".
After the smiling guy left, the two other guys walked in ( remember the refugees from Greenland), with a poonch kata hua bandar expression on their faces. The exchange of looks followed and they settled on the sofa in front of me. Think they were flabbergasted to see me having coffee n i am sure they were doubting the 'smiling guy'. They had nothing else to do except watching the goggle-box, with a concentration so intense as if 9xm ( the channel that was playing ) was airing episodes on the origin of life on earth. They did look around for the remote but guess they were too scared to enter my vicinity. And mean while i sneaked a look of their faces. One of them ( the guy with specs ) was weasel-faced and was actually quite charming. The other guy reminded me of one of my friends and appeared to be a bit squiffy, although he wasnt.
Now, guys there are times when u feel like running away from a place or situation but at the back of your mind u know that u cant flee, you have to silently suffer the agonies of embarrassment at your arrant helplessness. That's what i had to go through but now i find it extremely funny. Here's what happened. The camera zooms in. Three strangers; a gal and two guys in a waiting hall, happily watching the song dhoom tana ( OSO ), with smiles on their faces. The song comes to an end and the song bheege honth tere ( Murder ) starts playing. The smile disappears, a strange expression, the one which is new even to the world of films, starts creeping all over the three faces. The gal grows restive and starts casting furtive glances on the floor and other parts of the universe. The guys grow restive aswell but continue watching the non-veg on screen. The song comes to an end and the three of them return to normalcy occasionally sneaking looks at each other. The camera zooms out.
It was nine o' clock by then and i decided to go downstairs to check out the status. I was about to leave when the smiling guy ( again!! ) came running ( not exactly running, he was taking huge steps but ), saying, "madam your activa is ready." At this statement the two guys came out with a "and what about ours?" The smiling guy replied rather blunty," go downstairs and check out!!" Believe me they would have smashed every bone in his body had the the smiling guy not replied,"i think its done aswell" with a smile. He showed me the counter where i had to pay the money and was there till i collected the reciept. He told me to wait near the gate and returned riding my Blacky which was super shining under the sun. I couldnt find the other two guys around though.
Anyway before leaving i asked the smiling guy his name; it was Shiv. Waved him a bye and zoomed away from the strange place. Recently heard about the molestation that took place in Mumbai but i think there are people like the smiling guy who make you realize that may be chivalry is not yet dead in this world.
Now Playing:: Back to you................................Bryan Adams
Sunday, December 30, 2007
The Year That Was
So here i am sitting in the twilight of the vanishing year and realizing how quickly sand is passing through the hour glass. Year endings have always been a sticky wicket for me coz its that time of the year when i am lost in a corner of the house, with a book in my lap- pleasing only my visual senses, but my mind would be crazy busy in retrospection and introspection. But this year has certainly been different, infact it has been really good to me, causing minimum of upsets and showering a cornucopia of feel-good things. I really hope this tryst with good fortune continues for a long run.
Ofcourse no one can go forward with a load of aching memories, n the same is applicable to me as well but thank the Universe, 07 has been a year of attrition sans contrition. I realized that the Universe is under no obligation to give us what we propose. We take what we get and are thankful its no worse than it is. For the first time in my life i am not regretting things that i have done. I had taken certain decisions, and even though some of them turned out to be arrant nightmares, but i have stood by them. I felt it was high time that i start respecting my own decisions. I wont put myself on trial now. I have been on trial every day and night for nearly three years.
I have been able to sort out a few significant differences between my life at present and that in the year before. Altering certain things transcended me from the ennui of existence to the terra incognita of a state called, "living". I realized failure is something that brings you extremely close to reality; personally connects you with some of the simple facts of life. Facts that i had been ignoring all my life. I used to tag myself as an under-achiever and a Loser. But then it dawned on me that these things are doing more harm than good to me, they are like psychological scars; invisible to the naked eye but capable enough to become an integral part of one's personality itself n making you hollow from within.
All my life i had been competing, running after things, trying to prove things to people. I got entangled in this web of EXPECTATIONS; got depressed, when i couldnt meet expectations, expectations of my family n teachers, and my own expectations of myself. Life was reduced to an andante passage of time. There were moments when i used to wait for mom n dad to leave for office n i would keep on crying for hours; such was my obsession to become a doctor. My eyes still get misty when i think of those dayz. They say every incident in our life teaches us something. I have no clue what i learnt, except the fact that there's a cold bastard called destiny which controls our life and we only get what we deserve. The sooner we realize this the better it is. But i am happy that i gave my cent percent.
Mechanisms beyond our control and understanding, determine our fate. But we are free to make choices and those choices yield consequences, if not the consequences we had anticipated. The simple theory that the world would continue to function as it has for aeons, made me kick life on its fundament and get rid off that damn depression. Believe me life has never been so beautiful ever before. And 2007, i can say has been a year of intellectual ignition, infact an alltogether new person walked in my body. The more i interacted with friends n people, the more i kept returning to my original self; a self that i had lost some where in the perilous psychological odyssey.
I had read some where that there's nothing to take seriously in this world or personally. Nothing that needs doing. All we have to do is to wake up and enjoy the experience, wake up and enjoy ourselves. Maybe that is the only reality in this world, which we need to realize. Inter alia, 2007 has been good coz i started 'FRISSON', which is soon becoming my idee fixe. And Karan ( the guy who left a comment on my previous post ) i'll be posting the second part ASAP.
So thats it readers, wishing all of you a great New Year. Enjoy every day coz every day is beautiful and we get so few of them.
Now Playing: Please forgive me............................Bryan Adams
Ofcourse no one can go forward with a load of aching memories, n the same is applicable to me as well but thank the Universe, 07 has been a year of attrition sans contrition. I realized that the Universe is under no obligation to give us what we propose. We take what we get and are thankful its no worse than it is. For the first time in my life i am not regretting things that i have done. I had taken certain decisions, and even though some of them turned out to be arrant nightmares, but i have stood by them. I felt it was high time that i start respecting my own decisions. I wont put myself on trial now. I have been on trial every day and night for nearly three years.
I have been able to sort out a few significant differences between my life at present and that in the year before. Altering certain things transcended me from the ennui of existence to the terra incognita of a state called, "living". I realized failure is something that brings you extremely close to reality; personally connects you with some of the simple facts of life. Facts that i had been ignoring all my life. I used to tag myself as an under-achiever and a Loser. But then it dawned on me that these things are doing more harm than good to me, they are like psychological scars; invisible to the naked eye but capable enough to become an integral part of one's personality itself n making you hollow from within.
All my life i had been competing, running after things, trying to prove things to people. I got entangled in this web of EXPECTATIONS; got depressed, when i couldnt meet expectations, expectations of my family n teachers, and my own expectations of myself. Life was reduced to an andante passage of time. There were moments when i used to wait for mom n dad to leave for office n i would keep on crying for hours; such was my obsession to become a doctor. My eyes still get misty when i think of those dayz. They say every incident in our life teaches us something. I have no clue what i learnt, except the fact that there's a cold bastard called destiny which controls our life and we only get what we deserve. The sooner we realize this the better it is. But i am happy that i gave my cent percent.
Mechanisms beyond our control and understanding, determine our fate. But we are free to make choices and those choices yield consequences, if not the consequences we had anticipated. The simple theory that the world would continue to function as it has for aeons, made me kick life on its fundament and get rid off that damn depression. Believe me life has never been so beautiful ever before. And 2007, i can say has been a year of intellectual ignition, infact an alltogether new person walked in my body. The more i interacted with friends n people, the more i kept returning to my original self; a self that i had lost some where in the perilous psychological odyssey.
I had read some where that there's nothing to take seriously in this world or personally. Nothing that needs doing. All we have to do is to wake up and enjoy the experience, wake up and enjoy ourselves. Maybe that is the only reality in this world, which we need to realize. Inter alia, 2007 has been good coz i started 'FRISSON', which is soon becoming my idee fixe. And Karan ( the guy who left a comment on my previous post ) i'll be posting the second part ASAP.
So thats it readers, wishing all of you a great New Year. Enjoy every day coz every day is beautiful and we get so few of them.
Now Playing: Please forgive me............................Bryan Adams
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