Love, Sex & Lies

I was in the ninth standard when one of my maternal uncles got married. It was a much talked about ceremony coz it was the first ' love ' marriage to take place in our family. Since there was nothing to cavil about, my grandmother fixed the match. Moreover by some strange stroke of fate, aunty somehow managed to score at par with our family in the departments of caste, creed, color etc etc, and all the little other things considered way too important before confering a connubial status on two loving souls. Everything was now settled and the family breathed a sigh of relief consoling themselves with the verity of the fact that, ' what is fated cannot be blotted.'


Being a closely knit family, we kept hearing about the increasing uxoriousness of uncle, and the cloud-cuckoo land that both of them seemed to have retreated into. They became an ideal couple and all the kids in the family ( including me ) mentally vowed to marry the person, with whom they would fall in love in the near future!! We were all set to begin a concatenation of love marriages in our family.


But sudden as death came down the news of the increasing distances between the hitherto ideal couple. It grew to such an extent that they started living in separate apartments. We were forced to take a renege of all our mental vows. It was horrible to watch our role models fail so miserably. The causes for the relationship going kaput were discussed in hushed tones amongst the family members, and for some strange reasons we kids never got to know, what exactly went wrong. Everytime i mustered courage to clarify my growing curiosity, i was silenced by those vacuous stares of mom abolishing all further enquiry..................till of course yesterday............


Its the festive season out here, and uncle flies down from Delhi around this time of the year to pay his visit to grandma. Since the past six years i've been trying to broach the tenor of my curiosity, and after much waiting i was atlast blessed with that opportunity ............


On being asked what went wrong, i was greeted with the most cynical smiles ever seen across the visage of a family member. Obviously, my uncle wasnt too comfortable with me questioning about his personal life, but i realised that it takes sincerity in one's words to make the other one talk...........

" I think you are grown up enough to understand. But i hope you dont end up laughing once you hear the reasons!! "
Laugh at love?? i thought........

Please excuse me for failing to quote my uncle verbatim, but the reasons stated by him were something which i thought are applicable to anybody else, but Indians. But this was happening to my own uncle and it was too much for me to digest.


Perhaps the most striking of the modern incongruities of marriages is the muddle which exists in the sexual field. The reason, which was quite bluntly stated by my uncle was that both of them were sexually incompatible!!!


Globally, sexual incompatibility is one of the most common causes of marital disasters. The wife is suffering from some nervous exhaustion, and it is a case where intercourse should be avoided pro tem. The husband listens to what the doctor says, but at night the man must enjoy his wife sexually. She does not want it, but she is his wife, he is a man, therefore it is " necessary ".


At a vigesimal age, i dnt think i stand a chance of approaching this vital intimate need of man, but this avuncular talk has left me contemplating on the futility of marriage when considered from the sexual angle. Of course most of my questions were left unanswered, coz i was too embarrassed to ask them and he was doubly embarrassed to face me.


But the point was made: Marriage as opposed to the popular belief of the " union of two minds ", in reality is contemplated only from the sexual angle; although few people will admit that fact. Its a queer way in which society seems to have evolved over the aeons; we are taught to shield ourselves with our own defensive lies. Its quite ironical that sex is the only instinct which we share with animals!!!


Now Playing:: I'm gonna be around....................MLTR