Thursday, November 29, 2007


Well its half past two and i am not feeling sleepy yet. Now this is queer coz i am brain-weary from studying ( remember xam's knockin everywhere ) and i should flop into bed, but here i am, listening to Bryan Adams and lost in a congeries of thoughts. I have no clue, what i intend to write. O wait, i think i got the cue. Just heard Bryan singing about his best days, so its time to plunge into the semidarkness of my memory and bring ashore the BEST DAYZ of my life.

Half an hour later: The clock reads 3'o'clock. So i decide to write about the best days of my 19 yr old life ( i would be 20 this December ). For a timeless time ( what i did in that half an hour ) i sat staring at the ceiling, remembering things. Amidst the rotations and the gyrating noise of the ceiling fan, i tried to remember and relive those wonderful dayz which constituted the bulk of 2002, 2003 n 2004. Those three years ( gosh! i sound like a sexagenarian )were the most ROCKING years of my life. Those were the times when i enjoyed living every moment n i had just begun discovering new things about myself.

I was just out of school n out of the boring uniform. Suddenly life had become too real for me when i entered the gates of the junior college. I was afraid of a nameless things n it would look too silly if i try to indite them. I thought i would be out of place in this new life. For the first time in my life i had to adopt the process of making friends. It was so easy back in school where one doesnt have to ''make'' friends, every thing's a part of growing up. I had to make my way among a world of people with whom i had nothing in common.

Thank the Universe, i found Barsha. This confused package went on to become one of my very close friends. We were in the same section n in the same practical group, so that explains for the strong bonding. Moreover we used to travel to college together, sometimes on my Kinetic (mostly) n times on her Hero Puch. Slowly our circle of friends increased n life was no more a hopeless affair for me. I was loving my life. Well those years were rocking coz i had a cornucopia of crushes n some of the best moments of my life are locked in those years.

Now Crushes are like self inductance, where the e.m.f is produced in a coil due to a change of flux in the coil itself. The e.m.f being the ineluctable infatuation that one feels for the other person n the change of flux is equivalent to the surging tide of hormones where the heart becomes the coil. And the magnitude of this induced e.m.f is directly proportional to the amount of time spent in the company of the crush or just watching your crush pass in adoration. Back then, i realised that every crush goes through two phases. Most crushes ( like mine ) die out in the first stage itself, but some continue to live through both the stages.

STAGE 1-------- The first stage is quite simple and uncomplex where the thinking part of your anatomy stops functioning. And in the absence of any kind of moral resistance you find yourself in entirely new states of ecstasy and happiness whenever you see, think or ( if u are lucky ) just talk to that person who for the time being means a world to you. You cant help but wonder, what it is in that person which eludes your imagination. A mere presence of the person devours your consciousness and incarcerates your entire being. Your mind would be running out of space for anything else, except a driving desire to be alone with that person. You keep waiting but those moments never come your way, and you keep surviving on hopes. But these STAGE 1 days are cloaked in a dream like beauty and are abound with crowded hours of happiness. Its like a dream where minutes fly as swiftly as heart-beats. The only song which people like to sing in these STAGE 1 days would probably be Aap jaisa koi meri zindagi mein aaye toh baat ban jaaye........

Bhaktjano chalo aansu ponchlo, kyunki stage 1 ke baare mein mera gyaan sirf yahin tak seemit hai, stage 2 ke baare mein jaan ne ke liye kripya neeche scroll kijiye.

Scroll karne ke liye dhanyavaad.

STAGE 2...................The second stage of a crush is again divided into two sub-stages.

( Oyye!! reader 'not again' mat bol, aadat se majboor hoon, sab kuch badha chadhake bolti hoon. Oyye baashaon kabhi socha hai, Deepika Padukone aur saadi blog mein kaun si cheez common hai?? socho..........socho. Oyye khud ko kya Einstein samjhta hai, mein naam ki baat nahin kar rahi. Oyye uski hai lambi lambi tange aur saadi hai lambi lambi pheku posts. ha ha..... )

Well enough of my rotten sense of humour, its time to talk to turkey. But actually bade zoron ki neend aa rahi hai, aur likhne baithi toh kisi C grade hindi mavie script lagegi, u know the Pyaasi Jawaani n Garam Jawaani types. The most wierdest title i'hv ever heard was Pati Fauj Mein Aur Patni Mauj Mein. I think these kind of movies belong to the unsophisticated n grotty hindi porn industry.

Chalo stage 2 ke baare mein lecture udhaar raha aur mujhe bisttar bula raha hai, toh main chali. N i think my hindi lexis is as bad as Himesh Reshammiya's songs, otherwise i certainly wouldnt have used the word bisttar........yuck! it sounds just so cheap. Ok i wont breathe any more of my fudge into your minds, ab aap log '' finally '' bol sakte ho.

I'll post this tomorrow, got no patience to do it right now. Its almost morning. So wishing all u a good morning and good night to me. Bye.

Now Playing: So young....................The Corrs

Saturday, November 17, 2007


I think life is abound with moments n phases where we simply run out of sensible stuff to poke our heads into. I dont know whether others go through similar phases but off late my uncomplex mind seems to be enormously perturbed apropos of nothing. Since the past nineteen years i have been tryin to figure out, what the F is my problem. Why am i the way i am????? And i guess i would be doing that till i breathe my last.

Pleading my brain to stop being eccentric, has become an imperative concomitant of my daily rituals. I sometimes wonder as to how my brain exactly functions; it always seems to be at a loss when it comes to prioritising things. And all this bosh prefer to happen just when i require my mind to function at its calmest best; before the exams. But, no, it wont. The universe certainly finds its way to get back at me just when i am in a mood to enjoy things. And the more, the universe pulls up such stunts against me, the more i start respecting it. I dnt think the universe would ever cease to amaze me. It would continue its mission of seeing me rot in the vortex of my own inner conflicts.

Whoever proposed that we Homo sapiens are the most intelligent creatures, to have walked on this planet, is the biggest IDIOT of his or her era. Just take a look at the way the universe makes us succumb to our inner conflicts, atleast it has made me. Its becoz we can deal with any kind of problem whose dimensions are confined to the external, but if the problem decides to break barriers and succeeds in making inroads into the calm confines of the brain, that is when u realise that your life is no different than that of hell. And to make matters worse, i dnt even know what exactly am i upset about? These days i am finding it difficult to live with myself, i am like a walking tragedy!!! There's a complete loss of sense of direction. Truly,'' nothing is the worst thing that can happen to anyone.''

Wow aane wala pal is now playing. Maybe my life is not that bad as i have portrayed it to be. I have had enough of this moral weight lifting and i hope i dont get myself some over-developed muscle. See, it requires just a song to put my entire being back on track. I dont want my life to be sweet n sticky on the outside and all white, messy, and disgusting on the inside. ( though it is some what like that )

Well exams are knocking at my dreams, doors n literally everywhere, so i have to stop being a spiritual barbarian. There's a lot of numerical work to be taken care of n lot of equations to be taken in the form of injections, so that they remain dissolved in my system. I love my life.

December is around the corner and i would be turning twenty in its first week and thats enough to scare me to further heights. I cant be a recluse at twenty but i cant help being unambitious ( the kids at kindergarden would be more ambitious than me ).

Every time my mom asks me.''what next?''
And i am like,'um........yeah.......lets see'
And mom's like,'' how are u going to face the world with this kind of an attitude?''

I usually dnt answer such questions which border on obscurity n the nearest way out is to remain silent. Other ways include casting furtive glances on the floor or any part of the universe. The whole idea is to make philosophical faces as if you are thinking about the origins of life on earth and the other person would note that you are actually thinking about the questions volleyed at you.

Now Playing: Tumhi dekho naa.................. Kabhi Alvida

Friday, November 16, 2007


CAUTION:: Not for cat lovers........

It was 5:30 a.m when i started from my aunt's house( obviously to the place where i live-------my sweet home ghonchu). Though my aunt was a bit apprehensive about me leaving that early ( u see gals can neither leave or return too early or too late. we are bhayanak stuck yaar! ), but i convinced her that i didnt want to get late for the practicals and that i had to reach college before nine. But my urgency had some other reasons. As usual i had not written the record and i kept telling myself that if i could reach home before six, then i would still have all the time in the world to write it. But it never happened coz Providence had some other plans. Keep scrolling to know why.

So finally i hit on the roads at 5:30. Though my mind was pre-occupied with records and pending work but my visual organs were engaged in a completely different activity. I think the reason i got so surprised becoz i had almost forgotten what an early morning looks like. I stressed my brain cells hard to remember the last time i had witnessed an early morning. Its been a long time ( read years or ages---most preferably the latter) since i woke up anywhere before seven. For the first time i hated myself for being a nocturnal creature.Everything was fresh and dewy, silent and verdure. I could feel the cool breeze grazing against my skin and giving me the resultory goose-bumps. I had almost forgotten what does it feel like getting up with the sun , breathing the fresh air, watching nature and feeling its pulse. ( oyye! Wordsworth ki chatti aulaad, reality mein aaja!!!!!! )

There was not a single soul on the roads except ikka dukka autos passing by, and then again silence would prevail. I kept on driving in this quietude for some distance and when i couldnt stand the silence anylonger i started honking just to ensure myself that i had my own company n there's nothing to get scared off. ( traits of a certified wacko/wierdo )

And for the first time i took notice of the roads. I realized that roads can look enormously sexy when they are bereft of traffic. Sounds a bit fey but the wide roads really turned me on and they looked as inviting as Ranbir Kapoor in the towel song. All this was enough to prime my adrenaline and unknowingly i raised the acceleration of my Activa. I could see the needle of the speed-oh-meter kissing the 70 mark and gosh! it was way above it. For the first time i felt weightless like a leaf in a gust of wind. At that speed the poor Activa started grunting like a pig and began swaying. In other words it was cursing me,''kameeni khud toh maregi mujhe bhi maar dalegi kya? Naa toh tu basanti hai aur naa main dhanno, aur hamare picche gabbar bhi nahin hai, phir kya pagal kutte ne kata hai tujhe, mujhe itna tez kyun bhaga rahi hai karamjali??????''

So it was time to shower some lenity on the poor thing, by bringing down the speed to 40 something. It felt much better at this pace. So i finally became Road ki Rani! ( yuck! sounds just so cheap ), or how about Road ki Sushmita or Road ki Aishwarya ( equally stale ). At last i was in the same league ( even though 4 a few seconds ) as that of the Pulsar and Apache riding hunks who manage to snake their way in the traffic. Now i have to raise a toast ( mark the elevation in status ) for those brave hearts. I wonder how they manage to drive super fast even in heavy traffic; i get super scared driving that fast on empty roads, forget in traffic. I guess speed is not meant for the XX species. Eventhough i am eulogizing those hunks, but when they pass by me in real life, i simply murmur,'' saale, ameer baap ki aulaad, pata nahin kitno ko kutchlenge?'' I didnt want people to think the same about me, u see after all i am a not so bigadi hui aulaad. Basically i am a good human being and i have enormous civic sense and i do abide by the traffic rules. I am also a good driver, corroborated by the fact that i have met only thrice with accidents ( thats almost negligible when compared with the gory statistics of others )and escaped sans injuries.

BLAST FROM THE PAST:: Once i ran the scooter over a cat, but surprisingly even the cat escaped without any injury. I am so sure coz i checked in the rear view mirror, everything looked normal in the ' cat-walk' , but i could see that the cat had a bulging stomach, maybe it was pregnant, or was contesting for the MISS FAT CAT CONTEST, or it suffered some internal injury. Imagine the cat giving birth to an autistic kitten courtesy the accident. It would require a JADOO to help the imbecile cat to win over other female cats. But i am more in favour of ' like mating like', so i'll have to run over another pregnant cat and then pray god that it delivers an autistic kitten, preferably a female one. If its a male cat, then they'll make the first GAY CAT PAIR ever on this earth. That would be quite an achievement. I hope the PETA people dont sue me for harbouring such crazy thoughts. You see i am trying to find life partners for the poor cats, i am arranging love for them. Where do you find good souls like me in today's world?

Anywayz back to present. At the XIMB square i saw some nightie clad fat aunties talking the morning walk. Now these are certainly the daring types coz walking on the roads in trasparent nighties requires a lot of guts. But if we keep the guts part aside, it looked a bit obscene and vulgar and even from a distance i could easily notice their lingerie. I had nothing else to do except gaping in horror and disbelief. I really wanted to stop by them and say,'' kuch toh sharam karo auntyji, mardon ki niyat kya kam kharaab hai jo aap use aur kharaab karne mein tulli huyi ho. satyanash ho aap ka.'' In the negative sense maybe this is the only time n chance that these aunties get to titillate other people's senses and in the positive sense, maybe they are still donating their clothes to the Tsunami victims!!!!!! I was terribly upset at this sight coz i intended to catch some smart management guys jogging or running in trunks, and while vrooming past them i could say,'' nice muscles dude.'' Unfortunately i didnt see any and it doesnt matter coz i am super shy and not bold enough to pass such comments to guys, that to stranger guys is next to impossible. U see there are more chances of Dino Morea learning acting skills than me doing such things. I wonder why aaj ki jawaan peedhi doesn't indulge in any physical activity ( i mean sports n stuff ), especially guys? Maybe all of us have become so nocturnal that we stand as a fierce competition to owls, bats n other night creatures. So come on jaago all u mohan pyaare's.

By the time i reached the NH, the elements of both the macro and the micro cosm ( sun n apni janta yaar! ) started to make their presence felt, but unfortunately i couldnt catch a glimpse of the rising sun as i was speeding towards the west ( glimpse of the RISING SUN?? well that reminds me of Ash's sasurji in that stupid movie called Mohabbatein ). And apart from children defecating on the road sides, nothing else on the NH caught the attention of my rather unpoetic eye or is worth typing about. Moreover i dont have a blatant disrespect for the reader's time n patience ( as if i have readers for this fudge, but never mind umeed pe toh duniya kayam hai! ),otherwise i can go on n on. I am quite a chatterbox. Well, i reached home 10 mins before six n instead of heading straight into writing the record, i sit writing this fudge.

I think the celurean sky, the early morning freshness accompanied by the early morning silence has inspired me to write. I somehow feel reborn and rejuvenated n i hope this would help increase my levels of tolerance.( apparently i can tolerate anything except Himesh Reshammiya's songs............i go ape when i listen to them. I think he sets the perfect example as to how songs should not be sung n with that cap he looks like bandar ke sar pe tarbooz. Mera bas chale toh jantar mantar daal ke usko gadha bana dun. I wonder how people tolerate such a nosy n noisy singer??????? ) So I put on my fav song of Bryan Adams ( summer of 69 ) on the real player n i have decided to get up early from tomorrow onwards. Well i believe in the philosophy of, AAJ KARE SO KAL KAR, KAL KARE SO PARSON, ITNI JALDI KYA HAI BANDHU JAB JEENA HAI BARSON. ( i am good at stealing lines, i guess!!! )

ADDED LATER:This post was meant to be published last monday, but thanks to a shaky net connection n a dead telephone its getting published today n i continue to get up happily post 7'o' clock. I think its quite a hard task to get rid off the habits that i have so carefully and happily inculcated in me over the years.

NOW PLAYING: You took my heart away........................ Michael Learns to Rock

Sunday, November 4, 2007

THE OPEN WINDOW ( four yrs back )

Caution:: It isnt a work of fiction.........

Well it was around half past 10 ( some four years back ),when i sauntered onto the terrace to relax my brain which i had over-exercised in solving the physics problems. The terrace was cloaked in an eerie silence and the night was drenched in a cool soft darkness. I stood staring at the moon which was looking pale and enormous, casting its silvery beams all over the place. Like a hopeless romantic I stood gazing at the moon silently and i was filled with its ecstatic loveliness. But this act, though lovely could not be continued for a longer period of time coz my neck started to ache and i shifted angles, where it pained less i.e I started to look around instead of looking up.

It was a not so chilly winter night but most of the people ( it seemed ) had gone to sleep as i couldnt spot any lights in the houses except one or five here n there. Some of the windows were open and i could see some people studying or writing. Apparently the guy i had caught studying was an engineering student and i had crush on him back then. Leaning on the confines of the terrace i began enjoying this romantic interlude by watching my crush cudgeling his brains and i couldnt help myself from smiling and imagining things. There was no room in my mind for anything except a radiant happiness and a driving desire to be alne with him. I have absolutely no idea for how long i stood there watching this ineluctable guy and deriving comfort by watching him. You see oppurtunities like these only come once ( toh chance pe dance karna hai beta ).

After sometime he lost interest in doing the thing he was doing and started staring out of the window into the dark. From his window I could easily be spotted but i guess he wasnt looking up. I am sure had he seen me he would have been shaken, mistaking me for a spectre in the dark. He kept staring into the dark and i noticed a faint smile was breaking at the corners of his mouth. It was magnetically appealing and the first genuine smile in the lap of solitude that i had witnessed. Maybe he was reminded of somebody ( could be his galfrend ). Oh!!!!!! how i hated that moment when i saw him smiling and i knew that there was someone else on his mind. It seems the height of sentimental stupidity now. Anywayz my pash crashed n burned there itself and i lost interest in him afterwards as he appeared stupid to me. ( A little secret: this was one of my crushes which lasted for over a year; apparently i have had 12 crushes till date and surprisingly i remember all of them. You see i was more like Saif of Dil Chahta Hai fame; i fell in love with every guy i met! ) Well after sometime the guy got bored of staring n he switched off the lights n went to sleep ( i suppose ).

But the night didnt end there. I frantically looked around for some lights, some open windows, some guys studying, to satisfy my kink of watching people stealthily. Oh!!!!!! i was desperately seeking for a faraway company. But the Universe was under no obligation to give me what i expected, on the contrary it gave me what i least expected. That night i became the witness of a much private act that has left an indelible impressionon my mind and even though four years have elapsed, that eventful night is very much fresh in my memory as if it were just yesterday. ( Did u guys get any hint??????? ) Never mind its time to talk turkey.

I was feeling sleepy and my legs were cramping, courtesy the prolonged standing and when i was about to leave i saw that the lights in the house located at the back of our residence were still on. Well curiosity took the reason prisoner and i walked those dreaded five odd steps to get a clear view of the open window. I was unaware that those steps would be haunting me for the rest of my life. I was in for a shocker. The night reached its dramatic denouement, when my eyes caught a couple engaged in the act of cunnilingus!!!!!!!!

Now those of you who dont know what it is, then better look up in a dictionary or surf the net, coz under no exigent circumstances I'll be typing what it means. I guess i am not bold enough to type what it means. Now, for a brief moment of time ( read few seconds ) i stood blandly looking at them. My brain just stopped functioning. Imagine a 16 yr old gal, just out of school, whose sole experience of watching a love making scene was in the movie Titanic, surely images like this could be arrantly disturbing. The next thing that i remember was me rushing down the stairs like greased lightning into the calm confines of my room.

I couldnt sleep that night as thoughts were tearing in and out of my mind. My heart was certainly beating a bit too fast and i thought it would explode any moment. I was overcome by nervousness for some unknown reason. Even today i have goose bumps all over me when i think of that odious night. But there's an element that has left me befuddled till date. Why did the couple have to leave the window open and were those creatures out of their minds to leave the lights on?????? As far as i know coition is something that people prefer to have in the dark. But these guys were not even copulating, they were engaged in something even more disgusting. I guess cunnilingus leads to coition!!!!!!!! But i am not a voyuer or a reprobate to witness such intimacies eventhough people make a public spectacle of it.

For somedays after that night i abstained myself from going onto the terrace especially at nights . Even when i resumed going onto the terrace i stopped hunting for open windows. Even though i got crazy for somedays but that night certainly cured me of my kinky nature.

NOW PLAYING: Lets make a night........... Bryan Adams