Thursday, February 28, 2008

The Poison Within

All my life i thought i had ice water running in my veins and i took great pride in staying cool. I was never angry on folks around me....... especially friends. I was never too much into socialising, infact i had sheltered myself from people all my life. I had carefully selected my few friends..............affectionate and admiring who helped to bring out the rare qualities within me. And here i am today stuck in the abyss of a wounded feeling, and regretting for having lost my temper on two of my best friends.


Perhaps the most difficult emotions of all to manage is anger, which all too often erupts into open rage. If once the damn thing starts it tends to be self perpetuating, and sometimes self amplifying as well. What began as a mild irritation ended in a virtual emotional explosion. Well they say that venting out anger reduces it, but in my case it has just fanned the flames of annoyance.


It would sound too silly if i try to indite the reasons for this sudden outburst. Whatever the reasons are, the fact that i could have avoided this deleterious occurence by keeping my mouth shut, is weighing too heavily on my conscience. And as usual i am regretting over things " just too late". I can now go on and beg a thousand apologies, but the ties of friendship are as slight as gossamer, and one wrong move can destroy the web of tender emotions, so carefully spun over a period of years, intended to survive the ravages of time.


A friend of mine once said a very nice thing about me, which when put elegantly means that i do not have merit enough to create a foe. But it seems that i do not have merit enough to create "friends". I have no clue whether i still, have my friends or, i had lost them the moment i banged the telephone?? But do friends in general require such explanations??


I know they are just a phone call away.........but here i am mulling over the causes of my anger and posting my thoughts and feelings.........looking for a catharsis for my troubled soul. I know that i have to act quickly otherwise i would be having bad conscience attacks for the rest of my life.

Now Playing:: Wake me up when sept ends.............Green Day

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Its good to repent and regret but why are you forgetting that we get angry only on people we love the most. If they are really your friends then they would understand for sure i guess. May be you are right friends do not need explanations.

onelife said...

No comments for this particular post but would like to say that your writings are a good mixture of intellect and emotions. Its a rare combination but well maintained by you. i tumbled upon your blog last week, checked out the archives, it was simply fun!! You are a physiscs grad right?, but your choice of words made me wonder that you are from the linguistics community.

Deepika said...

Thanks guys for commenting on my frust posts, but i have now made peace with my friends, so all's well that ends well.

And one life i do not belong to the linguistics community. but thanks again for those nice things.