An Elegy in Prose

My system was strong enough to take in all the pain. I was grieving coz i had no clue how to grieve. Maybe the agony of that single emotion provided all the resistance for any other emotion to be felt. I had to cleanse my bosom of all the perilous stuff that was crushing me softly and just when i was trying to get back into shape, the Universe reminded me that life is indeed full of barren deserts and isolated places, and things of the past at any moment can creep into the present making the future as vague as ever. There are moments in one's life when you simply cease to feel anything. Not even the death of the person who seemed to be the proof and touchstone of all your cogitations, affects you much. But how could i ever grieve, he always had a hunger for eternity. And how long can i feign this numbness, when actually, all those emotions of guilt multiplied by feelings of hurt, and strange fears of losing all memories are ripping me apart.



Maybe the agony is just beginning and i am slowly coming to feel how great a part he was of me. I can hardly think of a thought which would lack his immediate reference, everything seems to remind me of his likeness, of those endless conversations about cutting edge science which ran late into the night. He talked without gestures ( probably ). It was neither verbose nor compelling, and he continued to impress me with his staggering range of knowledge, and i happily dwelled at the listening end. His blog posts never unhinged or weakened my mind inspite of his crazy rantings, but following a huge fall-out he deleted his blog and with it ended all those articulate, tender, 'understated yet full of surprises', thoughts. His whole life is acted; his struggles and pains, and hopes and visions are finally over. His ashes are now cold and what remains are the pleasant memories that he has left behind............a constant reminder of so many things undone and words unsaid..........


But does a person ceases to exist after death? 'Yes', seems to be the rational response. Then why does his great spirit haunt me often?? Now questions of this kind are apt to raise gloomy and dismal thoughts but human emotions are an incomprehensible bunch of formulas which lose their credibility as the equation of life keeps on changing. Maybe i need to ask for forgiveness of the Universe for forgetting him " so soon " and moving on with my life just so early.......................


Now Playing:: Door door tum rahe.......................Chalte Chalte