Midnight Confabulation

Sagar continued to play and sing ' tumse juda ho kar ', on the guitar. I was in a waking dream, thousand miles away from my surroundings. It was some ten minutes past midnight. When the rest of the world was busy dreaming dreams, me and my cousin were trying to kill time, courtesy the service provider's 'free' scheme. It was probably designed for nocturnal insomniacs like us!!


I was looking at a spot in the darkness. I was thinking something else. He was talking of everything on earth except what he really wanted to talk about. Communication between us was soon reduced to zero, like one of those odd silences which sometimes fall amidst conversations. Something seemed to disturb him, but he was making all efforts to restrain himself from opening up. As a good, ideal sister, i was supposed to sense his discomfiture, and broach the tenor of his uneasiness!! But i was too pre-occupied with my own thoughts to pay any attention to what he was trying to say at 12 in the night!! But, then there was this sudden ejaculation on his part which kinda brought me back to my senses!!


" Are you actually listening, or are you simply trying to show that you are listening?? I very well know that you arent, but atleast stop pouring your good for nothing, "yes & no's "!! Why is it so difficult for people to just "listen"?? " The call gets disconnected!!


I obviously didnt know how to react, and abreactions are better than no reactions at all. They hardly serve the purpose. Now what happened was this. During the course of our conversation ( or rather his talking ), there were moments where i was supposed to say a 'yes', but offered an indifferent 'no', and vice versa, with out fully understanding his question. It was more than enough to fan those flames of annoyance in him, and helped me review my fluid intelligence quotient, which remains an eternal negative.


Now most of us, given the hint of even a mildly sympathetic audience, will hardly leave a stone unturned, to talk about ourselves, take them into our confidence, and make all efforts to disclose our wisdom, sorrows, our follies, and never getting tired of breathing our fudge into their minds. But we seldom remain the same when we play the role of an audience!!


Of course one absent minded night, does not necessarily dis-credit me as a bad listener, but my complete ineptitude at offering words of consolation, when they are needed the most, does bring in those feelings of contrition which can hardly be fought with cold logic. Listening is an art in itself. Isnt life all about listening?? We listen to people, people listen to us. But, love grows when we listen without opinions, without judgements. Correcting them when they are wrong. Not with an intention to assert our superiority, but just coz we want them to be right. Listening helps resolve conflicts of all kind, coz all people want is somebody who could listen to them!!


Things are now settled between us, but picking up that unwritten/ unspoken corollary in conversations isnt my cup of tea. Maybe thats the reason, why i keep messing up relationships only to regret later in life!!


Now Playing:: Jaane tu ya jaane na.................title track