It was 5:30 a.m when i started from my aunt's house( obviously to the place where i live-------my sweet home ghonchu). Though my aunt was a bit apprehensive about me leaving that early ( u see gals can neither leave or return too early or too late. we are bhayanak stuck yaar! ), but i convinced her that i didnt want to get late for the practicals and that i had to reach college before nine. But my urgency had some other reasons. As usual i had not written the record and i kept telling myself that if i could reach home before six, then i would still have all the time in the world to write it. But it never happened coz Providence had some other plans. Keep scrolling to know why.
So finally i hit on the roads at 5:30. Though my mind was pre-occupied with records and pending work but my visual organs were engaged in a completely different activity. I think the reason i got so surprised becoz i had almost forgotten what an early morning looks like. I stressed my brain cells hard to remember the last time i had witnessed an early morning. Its been a long time ( read years or ages---most preferably the latter) since i woke up anywhere before seven. For the first time i hated myself for being a nocturnal creature.Everything was fresh and dewy, silent and verdure. I could feel the cool breeze grazing against my skin and giving me the resultory goose-bumps. I had almost forgotten what does it feel like getting up with the sun , breathing the fresh air, watching nature and feeling its pulse. ( oyye! Wordsworth ki chatti aulaad, reality mein aaja!!!!!! )
There was not a single soul on the roads except ikka dukka autos passing by, and then again silence would prevail. I kept on driving in this quietude for some distance and when i couldnt stand the silence anylonger i started honking just to ensure myself that i had my own company n there's nothing to get scared off. ( traits of a certified wacko/wierdo )
And for the first time i took notice of the roads. I realized that roads can look enormously sexy when they are bereft of traffic. Sounds a bit fey but the wide roads really turned me on and they looked as inviting as Ranbir Kapoor in the towel song. All this was enough to prime my adrenaline and unknowingly i raised the acceleration of my Activa. I could see the needle of the speed-oh-meter kissing the 70 mark and gosh! it was way above it. For the first time i felt weightless like a leaf in a gust of wind. At that speed the poor Activa started grunting like a pig and began swaying. In other words it was cursing me,''kameeni khud toh maregi mujhe bhi maar dalegi kya? Naa toh tu basanti hai aur naa main dhanno, aur hamare picche gabbar bhi nahin hai, phir kya pagal kutte ne kata hai tujhe, mujhe itna tez kyun bhaga rahi hai karamjali??????''
So it was time to shower some lenity on the poor thing, by bringing down the speed to 40 something. It felt much better at this pace. So i finally became Road ki Rani! ( yuck! sounds just so cheap ), or how about Road ki Sushmita or Road ki Aishwarya ( equally stale ). At last i was in the same league ( even though 4 a few seconds ) as that of the Pulsar and Apache riding hunks who manage to snake their way in the traffic. Now i have to raise a toast ( mark the elevation in status ) for those brave hearts. I wonder how they manage to drive super fast even in heavy traffic; i get super scared driving that fast on empty roads, forget in traffic. I guess speed is not meant for the XX species. Eventhough i am eulogizing those hunks, but when they pass by me in real life, i simply murmur,'' saale, ameer baap ki aulaad, pata nahin kitno ko kutchlenge?'' I didnt want people to think the same about me, u see after all i am a not so bigadi hui aulaad. Basically i am a good human being and i have enormous civic sense and i do abide by the traffic rules. I am also a good driver, corroborated by the fact that i have met only thrice with accidents ( thats almost negligible when compared with the gory statistics of others )and escaped sans injuries.
BLAST FROM THE PAST:: Once i ran the scooter over a cat, but surprisingly even the cat escaped without any injury. I am so sure coz i checked in the rear view mirror, everything looked normal in the ' cat-walk' , but i could see that the cat had a bulging stomach, maybe it was pregnant, or was contesting for the MISS FAT CAT CONTEST, or it suffered some internal injury. Imagine the cat giving birth to an autistic kitten courtesy the accident. It would require a JADOO to help the imbecile cat to win over other female cats. But i am more in favour of ' like mating like', so i'll have to run over another pregnant cat and then pray god that it delivers an autistic kitten, preferably a female one. If its a male cat, then they'll make the first GAY CAT PAIR ever on this earth. That would be quite an achievement. I hope the PETA people dont sue me for harbouring such crazy thoughts. You see i am trying to find life partners for the poor cats, i am arranging love for them. Where do you find good souls like me in today's world?
Anywayz back to present. At the XIMB square i saw some nightie clad fat aunties talking the morning walk. Now these are certainly the daring types coz walking on the roads in trasparent nighties requires a lot of guts. But if we keep the guts part aside, it looked a bit obscene and vulgar and even from a distance i could easily notice their lingerie. I had nothing else to do except gaping in horror and disbelief. I really wanted to stop by them and say,'' kuch toh sharam karo auntyji, mardon ki niyat kya kam kharaab hai jo aap use aur kharaab karne mein tulli huyi ho. satyanash ho aap ka.'' In the negative sense maybe this is the only time n chance that these aunties get to titillate other people's senses and in the positive sense, maybe they are still donating their clothes to the Tsunami victims!!!!!! I was terribly upset at this sight coz i intended to catch some smart management guys jogging or running in trunks, and while vrooming past them i could say,'' nice muscles dude.'' Unfortunately i didnt see any and it doesnt matter coz i am super shy and not bold enough to pass such comments to guys, that to stranger guys is next to impossible. U see there are more chances of Dino Morea learning acting skills than me doing such things. I wonder why aaj ki jawaan peedhi doesn't indulge in any physical activity ( i mean sports n stuff ), especially guys? Maybe all of us have become so nocturnal that we stand as a fierce competition to owls, bats n other night creatures. So come on jaago all u mohan pyaare's.
By the time i reached the NH, the elements of both the macro and the micro cosm ( sun n apni janta yaar! ) started to make their presence felt, but unfortunately i couldnt catch a glimpse of the rising sun as i was speeding towards the west ( glimpse of the RISING SUN?? well that reminds me of Ash's sasurji in that stupid movie called Mohabbatein ). And apart from children defecating on the road sides, nothing else on the NH caught the attention of my rather unpoetic eye or is worth typing about. Moreover i dont have a blatant disrespect for the reader's time n patience ( as if i have readers for this fudge, but never mind umeed pe toh duniya kayam hai! ),otherwise i can go on n on. I am quite a chatterbox. Well, i reached home 10 mins before six n instead of heading straight into writing the record, i sit writing this fudge.
I think the celurean sky, the early morning freshness accompanied by the early morning silence has inspired me to write. I somehow feel reborn and rejuvenated n i hope this would help increase my levels of tolerance.( apparently i can tolerate anything except Himesh Reshammiya's songs............i go ape when i listen to them. I think he sets the perfect example as to how songs should not be sung n with that cap he looks like bandar ke sar pe tarbooz. Mera bas chale toh jantar mantar daal ke usko gadha bana dun. I wonder how people tolerate such a nosy n noisy singer??????? ) So I put on my fav song of Bryan Adams ( summer of 69 ) on the real player n i have decided to get up early from tomorrow onwards. Well i believe in the philosophy of, AAJ KARE SO KAL KAR, KAL KARE SO PARSON, ITNI JALDI KYA HAI BANDHU JAB JEENA HAI BARSON. ( i am good at stealing lines, i guess!!! )
ADDED LATER:This post was meant to be published last monday, but thanks to a shaky net connection n a dead telephone its getting published today n i continue to get up happily post 7'o' clock. I think its quite a hard task to get rid off the habits that i have so carefully and happily inculcated in me over the years.
NOW PLAYING: You took my heart away........................ Michael Learns to Rock
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