Thought Attack

It seemed to be a long time since people had settled down for the night's dreaming. It was around 1:30, when i finally managed to flop into bed, with one foot already in the droopy realms of sleep but the other foot strongly refusing to oblige its partner. I spent almost an hour tossing and turning with a thousand incoherent thoughts caught in a tug-of-war in the dull cloudiness of my restless brain. It was hardly doing any good; lying on the bed...............i woke up, infact i never slept in peace.


The night world outside seemed to be in some kind of commotion as well. On the whole it was a strange kind of night with sporadic gusts of wind, followed by an eerie sough that got conflated with the irritating whispers of the dry mango leaves making a futile attempt to stay put on the cemented floor when being lifted by the juvenile breeze. With every passing second these sounds magnified, giving rise to black imagings. I woke up amidst this strange cacophony of the night world.


I turned the computer on, and played the song, " kahin na jaa ", which was sent to me on that very night by a chat friend ( i dnt know what else to call him ). I leaned back and closed my eyes. Listening to the song ( its a R D Burman no. ) echoing faintly in my ears...........i could feel the film of the past hovering around me................. compelling me to remember things that were making their foray into the conscious; which till now had been slumbering in the unconscious. The lyrics have a cadence, a compulsive quality that engages you in spite of yourself. The song goes something like this,

" Kahin na jaa, aaj kahin mat jaa
phir mile na mile, yeh pal yeh sama
baahon mein aajaaa.............."

This line, " baahon mein aajaa"..............brought into the room a pleasant frisson of passionate tension that had not been there before or, if it had existed, it had existed so deep down.................probably in the gaping chasms of the mind.I liked these lines the most,

" uljhan teri main sab janoon, tujhe teri tarah pehchanoon "


The most futile cry of man is his impossible wish to be understood, and the attempt to understand is probably a thousand times even more futile. The tune of the song along with the eerie night breeze induced a sort of self-forgetfulness; they spoke of an experience that was immediate and real...............churning a few unreasonable tears in my eyes. I know this sounds too hokey, but i cant help it!! I've to indite these emotions to smother the mounting frustrations within myself.

I dont exactly remember, the number of times i played this song, but it continued till late in the morning.............marking an end of yet another sleepless night.


Solitude sometimes arouses vague emotions; the half-formed hopes and desires and fears and joys, that can give enough employment to the mind............to last an entire night. A couple of events last night unlocked the flood-gates of these unwanted memories..........but, on the contrary they made me a better judge of my own thoughts.

Come tomorrow and i will explode my life into a riot of colour. Anywayz HAPPY HOLI readers.


Now Playing:: Kahin na jaa...................Kishore & Lata