Twenty Tapers........

The clock struck 12 and i broke up. Yes i broke up right now. I knew i had to go through this sometime or the other, but not today of all dayz. Its my birthday after all. It could have happened tomorrow or yesterday, but why today? I cant believe it has actually happened and i am going through what many have described but few can explain. I desperately wanna cry but even the tears seem to betray me. They seem to flood my heart but why arent they flowing? Why is an unreal feeling creeping all over me? O God where did i go wrong? No, i cant let this happen..........


But what is fated cannot be blotted. I wish i was never born. But retreating to the womb wont help me now. Ironically i didnt feel anything when we broke up. For a moment i was frozen with disbelief. Not shocked. Not outraged. Just numb!! Still cant believe that everything has come to an end--just like that--in an instant. I wonder how i'll be facing my loved ones in the morning. I cannot masquerade in a cloak of '' hey i am fine '' attitude. I'll have to feign happiness eventhough my entire universe is ossified into a strange sadness, fearful that someone might find the pain clearly written on my face. But i have to accept this fact and this break up, maybe will do a world of good to me. And i am not the only one going through a break up, everybody else has as well. Everybody?????????


Yes, everybody. Any 19 yr old on his or her 20th birthday would feel the same thing. Yes, ghonchu all this while i was talking about break up with my teen-age. ha haaaaaa haaaaaaaaa. Kyun zor ka jhatka zor se laga??? Yes, i was joking, perhaps i should wear a red nose and a funny hat. Oyye reader, kya, laga such much mera break-up ho gaya? But for a car to start you have to put the key in the ignition!!! samjhe?


So just cremated my teenage but being twenty sounds good enough. Ok i'll stop talking about death in any sense, its after all birth-day. Now in the whole year this is the only day when my cellphone gets shakily triumphant. It just wont stop ringing. I hv already recieved 4 calls n here comes another. Let me take it. So that makes it 5. And 7 messages. Bhai saadi popularity ke kya kehne!!!!! I hope i get good gifts as well.


Birthdays can be great fun if we get loads of gifts. This year i am sure of getting good ones coz my circle of friends has changed dimensions from that of a triangle to an actual circle which just keeps getting bigger n bigger. so the more no.of friends the more no.of gifts, moreover have you ever heard of the theory of ''investing in the favor bank''. I simply practice it. Birthday's without bro n sis ( cousin ) can be arrantly boring. But being the youngest has a lot of advantages n especially now when both of them have started working n earning humungous salaries. Both of them are quite bade dilwallas. Bro has so kind heartedly given his laptop ( hp da product ), n sis has given her PC.


Now i can proudly say,'' aaj mere paas laptop hai, PC hai, Activa hai, aur nokia mobile hai. Life mein aur ki mangta hai.'' See how materialistic i am, n that's becoz i am too afraid to strip down to my soul. But most important i hv ghar ka khana, which my bro n sis crave for. ha ha


I have seen that people usually start questioning themselves whenever an extra year gets added in their life span. U know the talk about achievements n stuff. But somehow these things really invite my disgust. I know i am not ambitious n i dont fit into the current version of the world which seems to be so driven by ambition. Maybe i am afraid of failure, but i am simply tired of competing. I never actually wanted to become anything, though there were times when i thought i could crack the medical entrances. I wasted two years of my life running after things which i could never achieve. Everytime i got a rank but not good enough to get into a govt aided institution. I wasnt failing but neither was i succeeding n there was this ceaseless upward spiral of increasing expectations that threw me into further heights of failure n depression. I wish i could delete 2005 from my life, but unfortunately i cant. But when i gave up competing, life seemed much better. I dont think i gave up competing exactly. What i actually adopted was the renunciation of fruits of action. Suddenly i am scoring well enough, topping semesters, n i am studying the subject i always wanted to study. So that's my life in a nut-shell. Thank you Universe for giving me a wonderful family.


A little info....... I share my Birthday with our kutte, kameene, main tera khoon pee jaaunga, garam dharam paaji n the ooi mam beauty Sharmila ( wow what a combo!! ). Hey here comes the special message that i had been waiting for, so its time to sign off. Yes Happy Birthday to me n wish me luck for the future.


Now Playing:Tumse Achaa kaun Hai....................
I really feel like dancing, but its high time that i flop into bed. Bye


ADDED LATER:: This post was meant to be published last night but thanx to a shaky net connection which was taking hell of a time to load blogger n was testing my patience which eventually i flunked.