So here i am sitting in the twilight of the vanishing year and realizing how quickly sand is passing through the hour glass. Year endings have always been a sticky wicket for me coz its that time of the year when i am lost in a corner of the house, with a book in my lap- pleasing only my visual senses, but my mind would be crazy busy in retrospection and introspection. But this year has certainly been different, infact it has been really good to me, causing minimum of upsets and showering a cornucopia of feel-good things. I really hope this tryst with good fortune continues for a long run.
Ofcourse no one can go forward with a load of aching memories, n the same is applicable to me as well but thank the Universe, 07 has been a year of attrition sans contrition. I realized that the Universe is under no obligation to give us what we propose. We take what we get and are thankful its no worse than it is. For the first time in my life i am not regretting things that i have done. I had taken certain decisions, and even though some of them turned out to be arrant nightmares, but i have stood by them. I felt it was high time that i start respecting my own decisions. I wont put myself on trial now. I have been on trial every day and night for nearly three years.
I have been able to sort out a few significant differences between my life at present and that in the year before. Altering certain things transcended me from the ennui of existence to the terra incognita of a state called, "living". I realized failure is something that brings you extremely close to reality; personally connects you with some of the simple facts of life. Facts that i had been ignoring all my life. I used to tag myself as an under-achiever and a Loser. But then it dawned on me that these things are doing more harm than good to me, they are like psychological scars; invisible to the naked eye but capable enough to become an integral part of one's personality itself n making you hollow from within.
All my life i had been competing, running after things, trying to prove things to people. I got entangled in this web of EXPECTATIONS; got depressed, when i couldnt meet expectations, expectations of my family n teachers, and my own expectations of myself. Life was reduced to an andante passage of time. There were moments when i used to wait for mom n dad to leave for office n i would keep on crying for hours; such was my obsession to become a doctor. My eyes still get misty when i think of those dayz. They say every incident in our life teaches us something. I have no clue what i learnt, except the fact that there's a cold bastard called destiny which controls our life and we only get what we deserve. The sooner we realize this the better it is. But i am happy that i gave my cent percent.
Mechanisms beyond our control and understanding, determine our fate. But we are free to make choices and those choices yield consequences, if not the consequences we had anticipated. The simple theory that the world would continue to function as it has for aeons, made me kick life on its fundament and get rid off that damn depression. Believe me life has never been so beautiful ever before. And 2007, i can say has been a year of intellectual ignition, infact an alltogether new person walked in my body. The more i interacted with friends n people, the more i kept returning to my original self; a self that i had lost some where in the perilous psychological odyssey.
I had read some where that there's nothing to take seriously in this world or personally. Nothing that needs doing. All we have to do is to wake up and enjoy the experience, wake up and enjoy ourselves. Maybe that is the only reality in this world, which we need to realize. Inter alia, 2007 has been good coz i started 'FRISSON', which is soon becoming my idee fixe. And Karan ( the guy who left a comment on my previous post ) i'll be posting the second part ASAP.
So thats it readers, wishing all of you a great New Year. Enjoy every day coz every day is beautiful and we get so few of them.
Now Playing: Please forgive me............................Bryan Adams
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2 comments:
Pretty sad thoughts to post at a time like this but nevertheless an interesting read. Its true life does get bitchy sometimes but life always gives us returns. What matters is the journey and not the destination.
what resolutions did u make for this year?
Happy New Year Deepika.Nice post actually. But how can you be both humorus and meditative at the same time?You truly are a conflation of paradoxes and i am still waiting for taht second part.
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