Nothing Too Serious, but......

I decided to avoid company. I had to. I was suffering from a horrible numbness. I was too young to learn how to grieve. The mind and the heart were no longer good working partners and it had been a long time since they had taken up different paths. I knew i was slipping down. Everybody thought i was head strong, but really my weak brain had just left me cold. I was striving to define things to myself which i never understood, but the damage had already been done...........i can fight with people who are 'living',but its beyond my powers to fight with 'dead' people. The very idea of living with a psychological scar was making my existence unbearably wearisome. For the remaining part of my life i had to live with the fact that somebody despised me even during those parting moments.............a time when people usually prefer " forgiving "...............


I tried to move on and continue with the inevitable business of " living ". But it was not easily attained. Every single day brought with it a thousand reminders................of the happy times shared together, of the endless confabs, and the inconsequential banter which kept on ameliorating with every passing second...............and now all that seemed to be deeply tormenting. Dismal emptiness was beginning to stretch before me. I decided to take measures. I immersed myself in study, and desperately tried to efface all memories from my thoughts. The need to keep up a countenance of cheerfulness and interest in living helped me a great deal. The more i interacted with people, the more i was able to recover my original self, which was trying to make its presence felt amidst the mushrooming sad personalities. I regained my lost sense of humour. I was my usual self again.


I've stopped taking things too seriously....................but no matter how hard i try, the basic feeling of contrition refuses to die down, thus dwarfing all my efforts to move on in life.................


Now Playing:: Silli hawa choo gayi.....................Libaas