Trying to Breathe Again

Well, people say that if you dont love yourself, you cannot possibly love anybody else as well. Of course i do love myself above all the rest of the world, and yet my dear self has become so wearisome that i can scarcely support its conversation for an hour together. The more i try to avoid myself, the circumstances and all the life forces seem to put in more energy to see me dwell in the lap of a forced solitude. I cannot positively escape, but it is a deplorable condition and sometimes drives me to pitiful shifts in seeking how to avoid myself...................and lemme tell you that forced solitude seldom generates a pleasant frisson ( as the sub-title of my blog suggests ) but on the contrary, if you spend too much of time with yourself , then you are bound to create incisions in the soul and that my dear friends, genuinely " hurts ". And the worst part of it is that, no matter how hard we try to engage ourselves in worldly things, there is no escape from the SELF, which constantly engages itself in exhuming those memories of hurt.................mocking at our wretched existence, better known to us as LIFE.



...........................................there's too much of noise in the mind right now and i guess i'm all set to win the Nobel Prize for ' self induced suffering '. I feel terrible, or probably i feel nothing. By the way which is worse?? Gosh!! i'm totally lost without him or am i lost " because " of him?? Sorry, folks, but i'm in no shape to frame rational responses and the more i try to explain these things the more i'll be spewing screwed thoughts. And there's no point in explaining things when the choice has already been made. But it was a Catch 22 situation i guess!! I was afraid that the price of making those choices was terrible, not realizing that the price of not making them is even more terrible.



Amidst other things, i reached home in the evening all drenched and dripping, but feeling victorious at having survived the blinding lightning and thunder. It was an attempt to free myself of my own company and i was too keen to pay a visit to one of my school friends', but it seemed as if Nature had some other plans. I had to return from midway, courtesy the terrific downpour of rain. WEll the summer's really cruel this time and this downpour is sure to cool things for quite sometime now. It seems as if the earth has suddenly lost all its virginity and is all ready to concieve and explode into a riot of color, making everything more verdure than ever.



I wish i could say the same about my life as well. oh...............no, no........... i'm not talking about losing my virginity , but i wish i could paint me life in some other colors as well................


Now Playing:: I breathe again....................Adam Rickitt